It had felt as though she were truly in lockstep with someone.
Truly content.
Her heart thumped harder, as if to say, ‘remember me?’, but she ignored it. Her heart had done her wrong once before,convincing her that she was in love with Aaron, when he hadn’t deserved her. Her heart was not to be trusted.
“When Georgia fell pregnant, we were not a couple. I wasn’t ready to accept what that would have meant. I didn’t know how to love her, and honour Bianca, at the same time.” He lifted the rosemary to his nose once more, inhaling the fragrance, as a wistful smile crossed his lips. “Thank God I came to my senses.”
Her heart stammered again. Wishful thinking. An unwelcome, errant thought and hope—the idea that Raf might wake up and declare his love for Elodie. As if she’d even want that. Shecouldn’twant that. If sleeping with him was complicated, then love was a whole new ballgame.
“I’ll always remember how everyone welcomed Georgia. I particularly recall my father saying something like,you’re having a baby together, which makes us family—and we are so happy.He told Georgia she would always be welcome here, and that she should come often.”
“Portia said something similar to me, tonight.”
His smile was laced with genuine, easy affection. “She is a true Santoro.”
Elodie laughed softly, because the other woman had a plum British accent and was clearly a Santoro by marriage, but Elodie took Dante’s point. She understood the vibe; it was in her heart.
“It is important for you to know that you have our support. We want, more than anything, for Raf to be happy, and for that happiness to mean he is good to you—in whatever capacity you are in one another’s lives. But no matter what, your child is a Santoro, and you are the mother of a Santoro. You must always feel that you can speak to any of us, at any time. Nothing matters more to us than family.”
And her heart burst at the way he seemed to wrap her up in that idea, that statement of family. At the way it was so easy to believe that yes, she was a part of all of this—these people she’djust met, because of a man she’d only known a matter of months, and yet time didn’t seem to matter. It was as though she was the missing piece they’d been waiting for, as though she were valuable and special.
It was all so kind and genuine, and yet, that black, spreading emptiness was growing in her chest. For each and every Santoro that opened their arms and welcomed her, all she could think about was Raf, and what their future would be. Suddenly, she didn’t know what she wanted, but she couldn’t say with certainty that the ‘parents with benefits’ relationship she’d proposed came even close to being it. In fact, it seemed a thousand miles from what she now wanted.
CHAPTER 15
THERE WERE A BILLION POINTS OF difference between Marcia and Elodie. They were chalk and cheese in myriad ways. He’d known Marcia for years and Elodie for months, and yet, he had recognized their fundamental differences immediately. And then, when Elodie had come to tell him about the baby, he’d reacted from a place of past trauma and mistrust, but each step of the way, she’d shown how genuine and decent she was.
Even going along with his demand for a paternity test, while she herself was still reeling from the discovery of their pregnancy. Her temper was measured, reasonable, she was kindness itself.
But seeing her amongst his family was yet another stark contrast to Marcia. He’d never quite realized how her presence had tainted their events. Oh, they’d still always pulled together, had fun, enjoyed one another’s company, but there had been a formality and restraint around Marcia, that he now recognized was well deserved. His family hadn’t liked her, they hadn’t trusted her, and Raf wished he’d realized that if the people who knew him best had felt that way, it should have served as a warning to him.
Which meant what, exactly? Because Elodie was in the middle of a group of his cousins and their wives, telling a story that was making them all laugh to the point of having tears streaming down their faces. She’d eaten four slices of Gianni’s experimental new pizza—blackberry jam, goats cheese and mint—admittedly not his worst combination but still a way off being acceptable. Not only had she kept up with conversation when it had turned to the company, she’d had no hesitation in weighing in, asking questions, considering statements, giving opinions that made Raf realise why she’d wanted to study business from when she was a high school student. Her aptitude was clear.
Which made him all the angrier at her bastard user of an ex, at a man who’d let her subjugate herself, and her dreams, so he could follow his, no matter how unlikely. And it made him angry at Elodie, too, for going along with it.
Except, that wasn’t why he was angry. And perhaps he wasn’t angry at all?
Perhaps it was jealousy, a voice in the back of his mind prompted him, that she had loved Aaron enough to put her deeply-held dreams on hold, to see him work for his. She had loved him. And on the rebound from Aaron, out of anger with him for texting, she’d gone home with Raf. To punish her ex, or mentally get back at him.
It hadn’t mattered to Raf that night.
He hadn’t particularly cared what had motivated her. He’d just wanted her with a force that had threatened to knock him sideways.
They began to move inside, Elodie glancing over her shoulder at him, a brow raised, so he waved his hand to indicate he would follow shortly. She smiled, and his gut twisted. He wanted to be back on the yacht, where it was simple and easy. Where it had just been the two of them. Even the baby had barely entered his mind.
But what the hell did that mean?
What was he playing at?
That first day Elodie had come to his villa, and he’d kissed her, she’d insisted that their baby had to come first. That they couldn’t do anything that might complicate how they would co-parent. Barely a day later, and they’d tumbled into bed and hardly gotten out of it again.
Which was, he admitted now, problematic.
As was this.
She was family. He’d said that to her, from the beginning. She had to be. His best-case scenario was being able to raise their baby cooperatively, and for their baby to have the same time with his family as any of the other children. Of course, Elodie was a part of that, if she wanted to be.
But that didn’t answer the question of why he’d taken her out onto the yacht, to bob around on the Mediterranean, and do everything he could to escape reality.
