“Youarechildish,” I say. “Both of you are.”
My father’s mouth opens furiously, but I speak over him.
“Neither of you have evenmentionedTravis since the crash. Not once.” My hands curl into fists as I realize how ridiculous it is. I lived here for months, and notoncedid they say anything. “What do you think would happen? If you pretended it didn’t happen, I’d just miraculously become straight?”
My father’s face goes dark red. “You are straight.”
“And thathorribleboy nearly ruined your life,” my mother says.
“How?” I demand. “How did heruin my life? By being really nice to me all the time? Helping me be a better driver? Always believing in me, even when I was a total shit to him?”
“He would’ve ruined your career,” my father says coldly.
“The career you don’t even want me to have, you mean?”
His expression is ugly. “He would have made you a laughingstock.”
“Oh, fuck you.” The words burst out, cold and impatient. My mother gasps. I ignore her. “Fuck you for saying that. And fuck you for thinking that it’s true.”
My father looks so angry, I honestly think he might hit me. Part of me hopes he does. My hands are fisted at my sides.
“How dare you speak to your mother and me like this?” he demands. “After everything we did for you. You got to race because of us, in case you’ve forgotten. We sacrificed everything—”
“That’s not reasonable!” I snap. “I was six years old when I started karting. Do you think a fucking six-year-old understands the concept of time and money? I don’t evenremembermost of it. If you didn’t want me to do it, or if we couldn’t have afforded it, you were adults, you could have said no.”
“You think I could say no to—to my little boy—” My mother’s voice breaks, but it does nothing to move me. This is all just a show she’s putting on for herself.
“Yes, I think you could have said no. And I would’ve been mad for, like, a day, and then I would’ve watched fuckingTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtlesor something and forgotten about it. Because I wassix.”
“Ridiculous,” my father snaps.
“It is ridiculous!” I let out a strangled laugh. “It is ridiculous. You two did a lot of things for me. But you didn’t do them because Iforcedyou to. And it’s completely unreasonable to hold everything you did for me as a kid over my head, like some sort of lifelong ransom!”
“We just want you to behappy,” my mother cries.
I throw my hands up and laugh again. “Well, living in London makes me happy. And trying to get back into racing makes me happy. And being with Travis made me happy. So, are you sure you still want to stick with that line?”
My mother looks away from me, shaking her head in that stupid, heartbroken way, like she thinks there’s a sympathetic audience watching somewhere.
“That’s enough,” my father says. “You need to apologize to your mother, right now.”
“No.”
His face is ruddy with anger. “I mean it. You need to climb down off this high horse you’ve created and apologize to your mother. We are trying to stop you from ruining your life and making a fool out of yourself. You really think people are going to support two drivers dating each other?” His voice is scornful. “The world’s not changed that much. F1 fans would tear you apart.”
He’s practically spitting with anger, but as he’s speaking, my own fury vanishes, as though someone’s slapped me across the face and woken me up. A voice is speaking in my ear, and I’m not sure if it’s Amanda’s voice or Kelsie’s or my own.
This is not reasonable. And I don’t have to stand here and listen to it.
“This is a waste of time,” I say quietly, almost to myself. My voice sounds eerily calm after all the shouting. I let out a breath and look my father in the eye. “And you know what, even if you’reright about F1 fans, I don’t care. I don’t live my life to please ignorant people. And I don’t care about the opinions of small-minded idiots. And on that note”—I look at my watch—“I’ve got a flight to catch. Good luck with your lives. Feel free to reach out if you ever realize how despicably you’ve just behaved.”
And with that, I turn my back on them and walk out of the house.
32
Foolproof
“Holy shit,” Kelsie says. “You really said all that?”
