“Anyway, that’s why I ended things, because I was a cowardly piece of shit. And I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”
My heart twists. “I’m sorry, too.”
He frowns. “What do you have to be sorry for?”
“I should’ve fought harder for us. If I’d reached out to you sooner—if I hadn’t given up so quickly—”
“It wouldn’t have made a difference,” he says. “I mean, if you’d messaged me a month ago, yeah, I would’ve been here in a heartbeat, but before that... I wasn’t ready. I was a fucking mess, really.”
“You’re not a mess.”
He snorts. “Tell that to my therapist.”
“You have a therapist?”
His cheeks color. “I did, yeah. It’s kind of stupid.”
“I don’t think it’s stupid,” I say. “Was it helpful?”
“I don’t know. Yeah.” He shifts his weight and gives me a strange, uncertain look. “You really want to hear about it?”
I lean forward and take his hand, pressing my lips to the center of his palm. I know the taste of his skin just as well as the color of his eyes, but hearing him talk like this, it’s almost like listening to a stranger. Or a new version of him, at least. A version I really want to know.
“I really do,” I say, and sit back again to listen.
We stay awake talking for another hour or two, until Jacob is practically falling asleep between sentences. I tell him about Heather and Matty and Mrs. Costa and Matty’s parents, and he tells me about therapy and rehab and his first week with Crosswire. When he can’t stay awake any longer, we migrate to my bedroom. He falls asleep with his head on my chest and my fingers threaded loosely in his hair. When I wake up around noon, he’s sleeping so deeply, I have to check that he’s breathing.
I know it’s creepy to watch someone sleep, but I can’t help doing it for a minute or two. I still can’t quite believe he’s here.
I grab my phone from the nightstand and flip through my texts. I told Heather and Matty about Jacob on the flight home, and clearly they (and by “they” I mean Matty) have told everyone else. I have texts from both of his parents and Mrs. Costa and Hunter, and even a text from Thomas (Happy for you! PS—Heather showed me a pic of your boy. DAMN. Any chance he has a twin brother? Asking for a friend).
I’m sending back a response when my phone vibrates again.It’s a message in the group chat between me, Heather, Hunter, Matty, Matty’s girlfriend Erin, his parents, and Mrs. Costa. Heather set it up to send us the time of our dinner reservation after the race in Brazil, but everyone’s kept messaging in it since.
[12:07] Matty:so what are we all thinking
[12:07] Matty:dinner tonight to grill Travis’ new boyfriend?
Oh, lord. I’m frantically typing a protest when Hunter answers.
[12:08] Hunter:oh HELL YES
[12:08] Hunter:I want to meet this asshole who thinks he’s good enough for our boy
[12:09] Heather:agreed!!!! I can book it, just need a head count
[12:09] Heather:PS Hunter bring me coffee
[12:10] Hunter:?? Come out to the kitchen and get it yourself
[12:11] Alice:Frank and I are on holiday right now, but we can’t wait to meet him, Travis. Call us tomorrow if you get a chance.
[12:12] Matty:how come you never ask ME to call you, mom??
[12:13] Mrs. Costa:I’m home in Brasilia, but I would like a full report, please! I’m so happy for you, Travis. Sending you my love.
[12:13] Matty:are you sending me love too, Mrs. Costa?
[12:14] Mrs. Costa:Of course!
