The wind began to whipped up around me as I watched him climb the steps. A feeling welled up inside my chest. He had used me as a way to get back at my father and my brother. I had no idea why and I didn’t care. The men in my life were assholes. They always had been. Taking a deep breath, I followed behind him. The only thing I needed to do was grab my car keys. This nightmare was finally fucking over.
Chapter 19- Lucien
That shit with Simone had fucked me up but I didn’t have time to worry about it. Gabriel was missing and therefore a lot of the planning for my mother’s funeral had fallen on me.
Climbing the stairs, I whipped my phone out once more and tried to reach him. It started to ring and then…
“Leave a message at the beep,” Gabriel’s voice said.
I’d called him fifteen times in the last few days. Each time I’d been met with voicemail. Finally, I’d caved and left a message about our mom but even that hadn’t been enough to get a response.
My shoes made a clicking sound on the floors of St. Sophia’s Catholic Church. It almost seemed to ring up into the rafters like music. Father Matthew was speaking with a young couple ahead of me sitting in the pews. Looking about, and knowing I was going to have to wait, I sat down in the pews. A bible poked out from where I could see but I dared not touch it.
God had stopped listening to me a long time ago. Instead, I pulled out my phone and began looking over the emails from Liam’s assistant. He had kindly volunteered her to help me with planning and I’d taken him up on the offer.
Her latest email was about flowers. I replied that she had loved pink lilies and purple orchids before hitting send. Within moments she had replied back but by then Father Matthew had tapped me on the shoulder.
“Sorry about that, we were discussing details on their pending nuptials,” he stated. “Mind if I join you?”
I scooted over some on the wooden pew, which creaked under both our wait.
“I was sorry to hear of Miriam’s passing.”
My eyes were facing forward and I could tell that he was doing the same. I focused on taking in the cross in the very front of the church where Jesus Christ himself was hanging. His wounds seemed to be so very life like that a shudder ran through me.
“Yes, her health was declining for a long time,” I finally turned to view the priest.
“Does something trouble you, my son?”
“No. I just want to make sure that my mother’s service goes off without a hitch. I’ll have someone send over an itinerary.”
The old priest gave a slight cough and clapped himself on the chest. Starring at him while he recovered, I took him in. Father Matthew was getting on up there in years. My mother had been coming to St. Sophia’s for ages and Father Matthew had always been here guiding his flock. When Gabriel and I had been boys, Father Matthew’s hair had just started to turn salt and pepper, now it was completely white.
“I believe something other than just the passing of your mother bothers you.”
He gave me another look and then stood.
“The confessional is always open, Lucien. It was good to see you. Don’t be a stranger, God will always welcome you into His house.”
He patted my shoulder before leaving. Watching him go, I relaxed into the pew and stayed for a few moments longer. Thinking his words over, I wondered if with everything I’d done, would I truly be welcome in God’s house.
Saying a silent prayer, I stood up and left. Upon exiting, my phone began to ring and I found Gabriel was finally calling back.
“Brother.”
“Don’t give me that shit,” I heard him sigh.
“I suppose you got my messages.”
“I did,” he sighed again. “She’s really gone?”
“Yes, brother.”
His voice cracked when he spoke again. “I’ve been getting myself clean, Lucien. I’m tired of feeling how I feel. I’ve been detoxing with Carson’s help.”
“Who?”
“The nurse,” he said.
