Her fingers tightened around the steering wheel. “How do you know?”
“You saw me back then and thought:I need this guy. That doesn’t speak of good judgment.”
She smiled broadly. She didn’t see it that way. “I told you, I don’t know if I even want anything serious.”
“Why not?”
She pressed her lips together, unsure whether to answer…but the words automatically came out of her mouth.
“Relationships break in two ways, Lucas. Like clay, slowly and painfully hardening in the air and then crumbling, or like bone, unexpected, painfully, and with terrible consequences. In my experience, that’s the only thing that ever lasts: Consequences.” She took a deep breath, still staring stubbornly at the road. “And so far, those consequences have never been worth it.”
“Broken bones can be fixed. You know that better than anyone.”
“Yes, but the bone will still never be the same. Forever cracked. Much easier to destroy than in its original state.”
“And what if the relationship doesn’t break up at all?”
“No one can know or guarantee that, can they?”
“No.”
“Exactly,” she whispered. “And you’re pretty big-mouthed for a man who’s making no effort to find anything serious himself.”
“My life is too complicated for anything serious. I have Melody.”
She shook her head. “You mean you have an excuse. There are plenty of people with kids who start serious relationships. I mean, have you ever even been in a serious relationship?”
It wasn’t the first time she’d asked herself that question, but it was the first time she’d spoken it aloud. Strange how some questions sounded more innocuous when you were merely friends than when you were sleeping together.
Even stranger, in fact, was that Lucas answered without hesitation.
“I’ve had girlfriends, but never anything serious.”
“Why not?”
“I have no idea.”
“Come on, you must have some idea.”
He sighed. “I think…they eventually lost patience with me. Because I didn't communicate. Because I didn’t share my life or my feelings with them. I’m pretty sure they thought I had some tragic story to tell that I was keeping from them. That they simply had to wait until I thawed out enough to confide in them and then everything would change. And whenever I told them I wasn’t the main character in a rom-com, they suddenly lost interest.”
She laughed loudly. “Wait, aren’t you? You don’t have a dark secret that gives you this shady, withdrawn aura?”
“My parents are pure drama, my sister died…but that’s not why I don’t talk much.”
“Why then?”
“Because people forget that words often cause problems more than they solve them.”
“Ah. Less talk, less drama? Is that your motto?”
“Pretty much.”
Smiling broadly, she shot him a sideways glance. His face was so incredibly intense and serious. “Silence can conjure up just as much drama as too many words, Lucas. If you remain silent, it means you’re not participating in the drama and leaving others to deal with it.”
He raised his eyebrows. “And what’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing. But never sharing anything sounds…lonely. When you keep your feelings to yourself, it’s like driving down an endless one-way street. You can never turn back because youdon’t listen to other perspectives. If you don’t confide in anyone, no one will confide in you. So, yeah, it's lonely.”
