He laughed softly. “She’s stubborn.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re similar in that respect,” she replied lightly. “By the way, you have a big problem.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“You don’t have any ice cream in the house.”
“Ice cream is bad for your body.”
“You’re bad for the body,” she stated angrily.
“Hm. Yours has never complained to me.”
Anna parted her lips slightly and a soft blush spread across her cheeks, like when he took off his shirt.
Fuck. Why was he doing this to himself? Why couldn’t he stop eliciting reactions from her body that made him instantly hard?
Change of subject. “You know, I had an interesting conversation with your brother today.”
“Oh, I need to hear this.”
“He asked me to explain to you that Tinder is dangerous.”
She snorted. “Of course he did. And, what did you say?”
“That you’re an adult and can do whatever you please.”
“Ah, yeah, I don’t think he agrees.” She sighed heavily and pressed her fingers against her eyes. “I’m sorry. They’re…too much. Dax and Jack. I know that. They’re still trying to protect me from everything, but…”
“Still?”
“Yes. It was their job for the longest time. At least that’s what they’ve always believed.”
Lucas frowned. Why did Anna need protecting?
“My dad was a terrible gambling addict,” she continued with a shrug. “They always had to drag him home drunk from the casino at night. Although they told me they were only tired from studying late. On their way to practice every day, they dropped me off at the public library even though it was half an hour away, so I wouldn’t have to spend much time at home. They scared my classmates who teased me about my worn-out clothes so they’d leave me alone. Tried to keep me out of every fight…and somehow sacrificed their childhood so I could have a halfway normal one. But that’s bullshit, you know?” She took a shuddering breath. “Like I didn’t hear my parents throwing dishes. Like I didn’t know that not every black eye Jack got was from hockey. Like the music they played so I could sleep at night prevented me from listening at the door when Jack and Dax were arguing with our mom about her ridiculous parenting methods. They couldn’t protect me from everything. They know that. And they hate it. Because they love me, I know. But I hate that they think they still have to take care of my. That I can’t take care of myself. That they didn’t give me the chance to do something back then. Because I wasn’t protecting myself, I just felt helpless.”
“That’s not it,” he replied urgently. He knew why Dax and Jack did what they did. “They don’t think you can’t take care of yourself. They feel guilty because they couldn’t help you more than they did.”
Astonished, she opened her mouth. “But it’s not their fault that…”
“That’s irrelevant.” He sighed. “I understand them.” And the next words burst out of him, even though he’d never said them out loud, simply because Anna needed to hear them. To understand. “It’s not my fault Laney had cancer. It’s not my fault that our parents didn’t talk to her for a year when she had Melody and couldn’t narrow down who the father might be.Still, every day, I wish I could have helped her. Gotten through to her more. Been more interested in her. I loved her; she was a fantastic person. But she was also pure drama. She liked the adrenaline that comes with knowingly making the wrong decisions. She liked the thrill of picking up someone different every night. She liked arguing. Being loud. Causing chaos. But I hated it. Always have. So we had no contact for a long time. Until she showed up at my door, desperate, with a baby in her arms. She wasn’t the best mother. Didn’t know what to do with the child, only that she loved it to death and wanted to keep it. And I thought to myself: Shit, how could I have let it get this far? So I bought her this house. Helped her get a job. Babysat Melody as often as I could. But it didn’t make up for all the years I stayed away from her because I couldn’t stand the drama we always had at home, which she perpetuated. And I was the older one. I was the big brother. It should have been my job.”
After his admission, a stone settled in his chest that rattled in his lungs with every breath.
Anna’s eyes shimmered as she shook her head. “No, it wasn’t. Just because you’re the older one doesn’t mean…”
“Yes, in my mind it does. And fuck, it’s the same with Jack and Dax. Because no matter how much they help you, how often they protect and support you, it will never make up for not being able to give you the life you deserved back then. That you’re still not as happy as they want you to be. That you had to work so hard. And they probably also feel guilty for forcing you to play mediator between them for all those years when they still hated each other. So, yeah, I understand them. Which doesn’t mean their ridiculous protectiveness isn’t overreacting. But…don’t be so hard on them.”
Anna stared at him. Then, she whispered, “I didn’t know you could talk so much.”
He closed his eyes and chuckled softly. That happened every now and then. “Don’t tell anyone.”
It looked like she was about to smile even though her face was still serious. “Your sister didn’t blame you, Lucas. For anything that went wrong in her life. I know that because I don’t blame Jack or Dax either. But I’m still so sorry that you lost her. How long ago was it?”
“Ten months and four days.”
She stared at him, seemingly doing the math in her head. “She died…in early June?”
