“Apologies that start withbutare my favorite!” she replied dryly.
“But...” Dax ignored her.
“Oh, Dax,” Jack muttered, rubbing his face.
“But – for crying out loud, can you all shut up? – I need some information first. Just about everything Moreau said made me furious and I...need reasons why he doesn’t deserve to have me mad at him forever. So, did that asshole break your heart?”
“No!” she exclaimed, perplexed. She had broken it herself.
Dax exhaled with relief. “Good. So there was nothing serious between you? You don’t have feelings for him or anything?”
Anna bit her lip and remained silent because she didn’t want to say it out loud. Doing it once had been hard enough.
“Fuck,” Dax stated tonelessly. “Okay. Then answer this: How long have you been sleeping together?
“We aren’t anymore.”
“How long, Anna?”
“A year,” she murmured.
“What?” Dax’s eyes widened. “We didn’t notice that you had a boyfriend for a whole year?” Shocked, he glanced at Jack, who seemed no less aghast. “How can that be?”
“You were...busy with your arguments and with women,” she replied weakly. “And we took breaks for a few weeks, even months. Besides, I made sure you didn’t find out, and...he’s not my boyfriend. He was never my boyfriend. He...”
“God, that bastard,” Jack muttered darkly. “He was the last person I imagined would hit on you, he...”
“He didn’t hit on me! I hit onhim!” she exclaimed. “He didn’t do anything wrong. He even said no. Out of respect for you, Dax, or whatever, but I... I practically talked him into it, okay? Lucas isn’t to blame. He didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Oh man, she’s totally in love with him, Dax,” Jack said, pained. “So we can’t hate him. And she’s been sohappythese past few weeks.”
“Shit, we’re lousy brothers,” Dax added, tormented.
“Speak for yourself. You made her feel guilty and because of you, she didn’t say anything about Temple Senior,” Jack stated tersely. “And you made sure she didn’t talk to me much, so she...”
“Oh, please!” Anna snapped. “Do you seriously believe it’s only because of Dax that I’ve had so little contact with you for all these years? You hurt me too, Jack! You left me too, not just him. You apologized to Dax, but never to me! It was always just about you two. About your quarrel, about what you think of our parents, and what you want. If it had been up to me, you two wouldn’t have gone a whole decade without speaking. If you’d asked me what I wanted, if you’d considered me, I wouldn’t have had to keep secrets for half my life. If you didn’t always act like you knew better than anyone else what was good for me, I probably would have told you about Lucas from the start!” She sighed, took a deep breath, and ran her hand through her hair. “Iknow you only want the best for me and that you’re still trying to protect me. But...it’s too much. It was too much. I...” Her throat tightened, but she had to keep talking, otherwise, she might never get it out. “At some point, I felt like I couldn’t achieve anything on my own. I wouldn’t have become a doctor if Jack hadn’t driven me to the library every day and I wouldn’t have made it through college on my own because I didn’t have enough money. I probably would have died of exhaustion during exam time if Dax hadn’t brought me food. I probably wouldn’t have gotten a job here if I weren’t your sister. How am I supposed to feel strong when you, with your constant protectiveness, make me feel like I can’t take care of myself?”
Jack and Dax exchanged an uneasy glance.
“I always believed she was the smartest in the family,” Dax whispered much too loudly. “How can she be so wrong?”
“Dax!” she snapped, exasperated. “I...”
“You've never been weak, Anna,” Jack interrupted, calmly and gently. “If there’s one thing Dax and I have always agreed on – and there hasn’t been much, you know! – it’s that you’re stronger than both of us combined. Because you’re always trying to see everyone else’s perspective. Because you stuck it out with Mom and Temple Senior the longest. Because you were the only one strong enough to forgive us every time we messed up. Because you manage to be the better person. The thing Dax and I have always failed at. Because without you, we certainly wouldn’t be brothers again.”
“We wanted to protect you because you’re...the only good thing in our family, Anna,” Dax said quietly, closing his eyes. “The only one who kept us from getting needlessly angry and tearing the family apart even faster than it was already destroying itself. Because you had empathy for everyone. Even for our drunken, gambling-addicted dad, for our overwhelmed mother, and for that hotheaded brother and the other one whostole your allowance. You think you had no responsibility? That we were the ones protecting you?”
Jack shook his head firmly. “You had the responsibility of keeping us together, Anna. You protected us by making sure there was something important to us that was worth behaving for. You protected us by always showing up when our parents fought and when we fought. We all wanted to be better for you. It was always your standard for yourself to be good for us. And we wanted to live up to that too.”
“We’re so messed up, Anna,” Dax whispered, rubbing his face. “We just wanted...to make things easier for you. To stop carrying all that responsibility that we unintentionally saddled you with for all these years.”
Anna stared at them, a tight yet sweet feeling filling her chest. She couldn’t believe it could be that easy. “All I've ever wanted is to be part of your lives, you idiots. You used to be a front that shielded me from our parents’ arguments. Why do you think I started here? To finally be accepted into your stupid club and finally make the decisions. Iwantthe responsibility! I don’t want peace and quiet. I want the stress you have. I want you to come to me with your problems! So I... so I belong.”
“Oh, man, Anna. You’re the captain of our club,” Jack said, embarrassed, and quickly put his arm around her, pulling her close.
“Yeah,” Dax agreed, perplexed, and wrapped his arm around her from the other side. “I came to you exclusively with my problems for ten years. Nobody else knew anything.”
“And we can try harder. To not...shield you simply because you’re the most precious thing in our lives. We should have asked you what you wanted sooner.”
