I round the corner to the kitchen to find my sister and Lily arranging what looks like gourmet burgers on the counter. The smell hits me immediately. Caramelized onions, garlic aioli, and the distinct blend of spices that can only be from Burger Battalion, the food truck that parks near the park on Mondays.
"I come bearing gifts!" Emily announces, waving a wrapped burger in my direction. "Double mushroom and swiss with extra aioli, just how you like it."
Lily gives me a gentle smile. "Rough day, love?"
"What gave it away? The scowl or the way I just assaulted my own shoes?"
"Both, plus the fact that you're home at a reasonable hour instead of working late like you usually do on Mondays." Lily slides a glass of wine my way. "Emergency provisions."
I take the wine gratefully, drinking half of it in one go. "Thanks."
"So," Emily says, arranging herself on one of the barstools, "before we dive into whatever crisis you’re going through, you have to hear about the absolute soap opera happening at my office."
I bite into my burger, the familiar comfort food momentarily distracting me from the disaster that is my professional life. "Hit me."
"Okay, so remember Brad from accounting?"
"The one with the collection of novelty ties?"
“No, that’s Daniel.”
I scrunch my brows. “Is he the guy who brings his lunch to work and leaves his trash in the break room?”
"That's the one.” She snaps her fingers at me. “Okay, so apparently, he's been having this secret thing with Vanessa from legal for months—"
"The one who brings her chihuahua to the office sometimes?"
"Yes! And they've been sneaking around, thinking nobody knows, but literally everyone knows because they're terrible at hiding it. Like, conference room make-out sessions with the blinds not fully closed, kind of terrible."
Lily laughs. "No subtlety at all."
"None. And today, the CEO walks in on them in the supply closet—"
"No," Lily gasps.
"Yes! And instead of firing them, he just says, 'I need those quarterly reports by five, and for God's sake, lock the door next time.'"
Despite my mood, I find myself smiling. "That's actually pretty chill of him."
"Right? Anyway, now they're the official office couple, and HR had to send out this incredibly awkward email about 'workplace relationships and appropriate behavior' without naming names, but everyone knows."
I take another large sip of wine, the irony of her story not lost on me.
"So," Emily continues, eyeing me suspiciously, "your turn. What's with the stress wrinkles and the wine chugging?"
I place my burger down carefully, arranging the words in my head. "I got a new coworker today."
"And? They're annoying? Incompetent? A mouth-breather?" Emily prompts.
"It's Sebastian."
The kitchen goes dead silent. Emily's burger stops halfway to her mouth. Lily's eyes widen to cartoon proportions.
"Sebastian who?" Emily asks slowly, though I can tell from her expression she already knows.
"Sebastian. From the bar. Sebastian from my bedroom. My one-night stand. That Sebastian."
"WHAT?" Emily's shriek could probably be heard across the street. "The hot guy you slept with on Friday is now your COWORKER?"
