I spit into the sink and rinse my mouth. "Modified it. The original involved dangling mistletoe from a fishing rod, if you remember."
"Over Professor Linderman's head at the holiday faculty party," Tyler cackles. "Nearly got us expelled."
Charlie raises her eyebrows. "I'm learning so much about you."
"Don't believe everything he says," I tell her, taking the phone. "Half his stories are highly embellished."
"Only the boring half," Tyler counters. "So… how's the fake relationship going? Convincing anyone?"
Charlie and I exchange a look. We haven't exactly told Tyler that things have shifted between us.
"It's going well," I say carefully. "Charlie's ex is thoroughly annoyed."
"And how's the food?" Tyler asks, changing subjects with his usual randomness. "Rich people Christmas is different from our normal festivities, right? Tell me they served something ridiculous like truffle-infused candy canes."
Charlie laughs. "Sorry to disappoint, but my mom makes pretty standard holiday food. Though there was an impressive cheese board one night."
"How's Ethan handling the Bash Effect?" Tyler asks. "Is he visibly jealous or just quietly seething?"
"Both," Charlie says, wiping her face with a washcloth. "He keeps trying to one-up Bash in the most pathetic ways. Yesterday he tried to brag about his golf handicap."
"Classic finance bro move," Tyler snorts. "What's on the agenda for tomorrow?"
Charlie perches on the edge of the counter. "We're having dinner at the Harpers' house."
"Wait," Tyler says, audibly perking up. "You're going to Ethan's house? Oh, this is too good."
"It's not Ethan's house," Charlie clarifies. "It's his parents'. They're lovely people who've known my family forever."
"Still," Tyler says. "Enemy territory. You need a strategy."
I lean against the doorframe. "What kind of strategy?"
"To drive the perfect couple absolutely insane without seeming like you're trying," Tyler says, as if it's obvious. "Subtle psychological warfare."
Charlie rolls her eyes, but she's smiling. "We're not going to sabotage a family dinner."
"Not sabotage," Tyler corrects. "Just... strategically remind everyone who the superior couple is. Look disgustingly happy. Touch each other's lower backs. Finish each other's sentences. Use inside jokes."
"We already do that," I say without thinking.
There's a pause, and I can practically hear Tyler's eyebrows raising through the phone.
"Do you now?" he says, voice dripping with implications. "Interesting."
Charlie blushes and slides off the counter. "I'm going to let you boys talk. Nice chatting with you, Tyler."
"Same here, Charlie," Tyler replies. "And if you get tired of this one, I'm available and know all his embarrassing secrets."
"I'll keep that in mind," she says, squeezing past me in the doorway. Her body brushes against mine, and even that casual contact sends electricity through me.
Once she's gone, Tyler whistles low. "Damn, Montgomery."
"What?" I move into the bedroom, keeping my voice down.
"You're so far gone it's not even funny anymore," he says. "You sound like a real couple."
"That's the point," I mutter, watching Charlie turn down the bed.
