The smile slowly faded. Seth reached for her, but Charlotte kept herself out of his reach. It hurt. It was as though she were physically harming herself. Denying his touch was like removing a piece of her own heart.
“I think it was a mistake for us to marry,” she blurted out suddenly, “I have never wished it before. I got caught up in the romance of the travel.”
I must say it all now because I will not be able to speak if I think for one moment. I feel like I am tearing myself in two, but it must be done. Either he resents me for rejecting him, or he resents me for what I have cost him. I and my family. Better it happens now, endure the pain, and go back to my old life.
Charlotte thought about going back to Hamilton House. About Aunt Judith and her empty-headed, selfish cousins. It was not a terrible life. She was comfortable and provided for. Her needs were inconsequential, and, without Luke, it would be lonely, yes. But that was her lot in life. Amelia was the one with a wide social circle. Amelia was the one who had found love. Charlotte was happy for her sister and content with her own lot. As she always had been.
“You do not mean that,” Seth said flatly.
“I do mean it!” Charlotte cried out, “Please, just go! I will remain here with Amelia and then return to Yorkshire. And if—whenyou require an annulment of our marriage, I will not contest it.”
When Seth still did not move, she pushed against his chest with both hands. He rocked on his heels, taking a step back. Charlotte pushed again, slapping her hands hard against him.
“Just go. I do not want you in my life. I never did. Go back to London and be a rake or be a good man. I do not care. I care for my sister and nothing else in this world. Go or I will ask Doctor McGill to have you removed!”
She saw the hurt in Seth’s face, and that was enough to bring her physical pain. It lanced through her from her chest outwards. She fought back tears, glaring at him resolutely. Seth inclined his head sharply, breathing hard around clenched teeth.
“Very well. Have it your way.”
He turned on his heel and stalked away. Charlotte turned and walked quickly in the opposite direction. She did not know where she was going, simply that she needed to be alone. The grief that surged within her was second only to that which she had experienced at the death of her mother. It tore at her like a ravening animal.
She rounded a corner of the hospital building and crossed a wooden bridge over a fast-flowing stream. Beyond that was a slope that was traversed by stone steps. Large, mossy outcrops of rocks broke through the hillside to either side of the steps, and there was a stone bridge at the bottom, crossing a wider stream. She flew down the steps, half blind with tears, and dashed onto the bridge, only coming to a halt when her stomach hit the stonewall. She stared into a deep gorge through which the stream boiled and gnashed.
It is done. I can concentrate on Amelia, for better or worse. And Seth has a chance to hold onto his Dukedom. I will not hear stories of him in Yorkshire. It will be as if these last two months were nothing but a dream.
Except her body screamed at her that it hadn’t been a dream. Her body remembered his touch and craved it. But must be denied it. Perhaps one day there would be another man. She doubted it. It seemed unlikely that any other man in the world would be Seth’s equal. So, there would be no one. She would be alone. An aunt to Amelia and Luke’s children. That would be something. If Amelia survived.
Charlotte wiped her face, looking back at the hill she had run down. She cursed herself for a fool. It would have been very easy to stumble on those steps and fall to her death. Amelia didn’t need a foolish sister.
But Amelia has her husband now. Does she need me at all?
Taking a shaky breath, Charlotte made to ascend the stone steps back towards the hospital.
CHAPTER 32
TWO WEEKS LATER
“There you are, Cherry! Luke said you’d stepped out for air. Were you sleeping all this time?”
Charlotte blinked up at the voice, disoriented. The sun had climbed high in the sky, but there was a chill breeze coming from the north ahead of dark rain clouds. Sleeping at night had been increasingly difficult for Charlotte in the two weeks since she had arrived at Strathaven. Nightmares plagued her. Dreams of Amelia’s death to begin with. Then of Seth. She did not know which was worse. She blinked, sitting up. She’d meant only to sit for a moment beneath the old oak on the hospital grounds—but sleep had claimed her before she realised it.
How long ago was that?
She stirred, stiff from the cold. A blanket had been laid over her shoulders—one she did not recall fetching.
“Did you put this over me?” she asked, her voice hoarse with sleep.
“I? No,” Amelia replied, her hand lightly resting on Luke’s arm. “I’ve only just come out. Doctor McGill insisted I take some air.”
“Must have been one of the orderlies, or someone passing by,” she murmured, brushing off leaves as she stood.
She turned to her sister and paused, studying her face. “You look better,” she said, a note of cautious hope threading through her voice. “There is colour in your cheeks again—none of that pallor you had this morning.”
Amelia beamed, and beside her, Luke gave a warm, silent smile, hands tucked behind his back.
“She has been brighter all morning,” he added with a chuckle. “And restless enough to start giving the nurses orders.”
Amelia nudged him lightly, scowling. “Luke’s found us a house. It is just outside a village called East Kilbride. There’s land, some tenants, even a kitchen garden. Doctor McGill thinks I’ll be well enough to visit it in a fortnight.”
