It dawned on her, the ruin of her family was not merely misfortune but retribution. And she couldn’t find it in her heart to blame him at all. While she and her family had lived comfortably, while her father had continued on with his life after what he’d done, Gideon and his family had suffered. Shecouldn't hold back the wave of guilt as she considered how her life of ease was built on the ruins of Gideon's.
“Stop,” she whispered through her tears. “We should get you to your chamber.”
“You’re so warm...” His grasp was gentle, yet when she nudged them both upright, he offered no resistance. “Thank you for gracing my dreams, wife.”
“Thank you for letting me,” she whispered back. Hoisting his arm over her shoulders, she helped him up. Gideon’s weight bore down on her as they stood. He leaned into her, as if he desired to be closer to her rather than needing help to walk.
She managed to shuffle him out of the parlor, praying silently he wouldn’t confess any more tonight. Her heart felt too fragile. She wasn’t sure how much more she could take. The night’s revelations had already spun her emotions into disarray; she feared what would happen if she learned anything else.
Thankfully, he remained silent—drifting in and out of sleep as they reached his bedchamber. Amelia forced the door open with her shoulder and led him over to the bed, where her strength gave way and he collapsed over her in a heap.
For a moment, Amelia could only watch him, catching her breath. He was already deep in slumber. Would he remember all he had confessed come morning? A cowardly part of her wished that he wouldn’t, that she, too, would be able to forget everything she’d learned and revert to her blissful unawareness.
Yet, as she lingered, the urge to remain beside him grew. Had they ever shared the same bedchamber, or even slept together for an entire night before? It would do no harm if she erased all of her woes for the night and pretended they were a loving, married couple, even for some hours, would it? After today, she would never get the chance.
She resisted those thoughts, finally wriggling herself out from underneath his heavy body. Time was ticking. There was only one sure truth now, she and her sister were all alone in this world. And no one could help them apart from each other.
Steeling her resolve, she turned away from the man she had come to love, leaving him to his dreams, and herself to a very real nightmare.
CHAPTER 27
Gideon’s skull felt like it was being cleaved in half. He groaned as he woke up, his hand instantly clamping over his temple as he curled into himself, attempting to quell the throbbing pain. The curtains were drawn back cruelly, sunlight streaming in like an unwelcome torment, deepening the ache behind his eyes.
His memory of the previous night was patchy. Clearly, he’d drunk too much. But how had he ended up in bed? He couldn’t remember leaving the parlor. He couldn’t remember much of anything at all last night, he realized. The last thing he recalled was lingering by Jasper’s grave, harboring more and more resentment as the sun began to set. Yet, it was the overwhelming guilt that had driven him to drown himself in cognac. Guilt over not being able to save his brother, guilt over actions he couldn’t confess to Amelia, and guilt of putting his ridiculous quest for vengeance before his wife. The cognac was meant to erase such thoughts, but they returned with a relentless fury the moment he opened his eyes.
Barely managing to shuffle up for the bell by his nightstand, Gideon was able to ring for his valet. Despite his raging megrim, he had a day ahead of him to prepare for. Dressing was a slow, torturous affair, riddled with pain with every movement he made. Finally ready, he left his chambers and headed downstairs, intent on quelling the hunger that gnawed at him.
As he drew near to the morning room, thoughts of Amelia resurfaced—and his guilt doubled. He shouldn’t have been so cold to her last evening. They had moved beyond that now. With the affection he felt for her, there was no reason not to have told her the truth about his brother and about his past. Yes, it would mean baring his soul to her, something he had not done with anyone else in the past decade, but surely that was the next step in their relationship.
When he arrived and found the morning room empty, Gideon was tempted to go in search of her. But his hunger and pain prevailed, leading him to collapse into the closest chaise. From there, he sat and sipped on his coffee, deep in his musings. During the whole time he was there, however, Amelia never joined.
Was she still upset with him? Gideon polished off the rest of his meal and stood to go in search of her. He would have to swallow his pride and beg for her forgiveness, an act he was more than willing to undertake.
Only, when he arrived at her bedchamber, she wasn’t there either. He didn’t bother to linger, instead heading to the one place in the castle where he hoped he would find her.
And true to his suspicions, there she was. Amelia turned when he entered the small library, milling through sheets of paper that were gathered in her hands. Their eyes briefly met, but then she quickly looked away.
“I did not see you at breakfast,” he began, pausing by the door.
Amelia continued to busy herself with gathering her short stories. Gideon couldn’t understand why. Well, he could, he supposed.
“I ate early,” she murmured.
“I see.” The air between them thickened and grew uncomfortable. Gideon held his breath, trying to form his next words carefully. “Amelia, I must apologize for how I spoke to you last night.”
“You are already forgiven.” She still would not look at him.
Because of that, Gideon felt compelled to explain further. “The name you spoke last night… well, it is quite a sensitive topic for me and I was not prepared for that conversation.”
“I completely understand.”
“Then why do you avoid my eyes?”
Finished with her task, she turned to face him, thinning her lips. She stared at him for a long moment and Gideon suddenly felt as if he hadn’t a clue what was going through her mind.
“It seems you do not remember what you said to me last night,” she said, “while you were in your cups.”
Gideon frowned in bemusement. Trying to remember anything right now only made his head pound more ferociously.
