“I would be satisfied with a good book and a hot cup of tea,” she said. “I know I may be underselling myself compared to theotherexciting women in your life but it is mostly the truth. My father soon learned that, and in a few months, he had practically moved in a library for me.”
A quietness passed before them and Meredith quickly realized how she had just sounded. Her shoulders straightened and she was about to take it back, but Ethan almost choked on the wine he had begun to drink. “You had your father purchasethatbook for you?” he asked in surprise, his eyes the size of an owl’s.
Meredith registered his words and suddenly, her eyes grew wide too and she shook her head frantically. “Heavens no! That was a gift from a good friend of mine.” He was, of course, referring to the book she was reading when they first met at her coming out.
“Interesting friends you have,” he added with a smirk that somehow had translated into his voice.
“I think so too,” she quickly said, then remained silent as she expected the conversation to change. It was far too embarrassing to admit to reading these kinds of books, especially to someone like Ethan.
“I have never been particularly fond of books,” Ethan began again. “This castle has an up-to-date library, naturally, but it is all to play the part of the refined Duke.”
A thought sprouted in her mind and Meredith decided to at least take the opportunity to accomplish her goal of finding out what he did during the nights. “So, what would you rather be doing then?”
“Whist, port, hazard, billiards,” he started, using his hands to count in order to emphasize his points.
Meredith nodded slowly as she waited for those fated words—how he would also rather be spending his time in the company of other women. But they never came. Then her mind fell back to the room she had seen only days prior. According to her lady’s maid, Lucinda, there was a room he frequented when he was out of sorts. The billiards room. This piqued her curiosity. “I have seen the billiards room at the castle.”
Ethan nodded. “At the west wing. Belonged to Jeremiah. We would play there every Friday and on the nights we returned late from balls and other socials. These days, I play by myself.”
Regardless of the subject and what exactly he was talking of, there was not a hint of sadness in his voice. It was at this point it also became quite clear to Meredith that he had learned to suppress his past memories. Without missing a beat, she decided to alter one of the items on her list.
Play Billiards with Ethan.
“How did your brother pass?” Meredith asked softly.
“He died when I was eighteen,” Ethan replied bluntly in turn. “Some disease of the heart.” Though he wavered very little when he spoke, she could sense an underlying bitterness and sadness he had failed to disguise this time. Her heart swelled at his words and a sting of guilt crossed her for pushing the subject matter.
“And what of your father?” she continued.
“Passed away six months later, hemorrhaging money from his remaining businesses. Funny how things work out. I was never the rightful heir to the Dukedom. Never my father’s favorite son, nor did I ever see myself as a true peer of the realm. Yet here I am, carrying the weight of an ancestry.”
Meredith sat patiently, taking in his words, not wanting to miss the rare opportunity of him opening up. She was used to seeing him being calculating and emotionally distant, so this was new territory for her.
He chuckled. “I even found myself a wife. I’ve turned into a right top-of-the-trees fellow. Hell, only a few years ago I would’ve insulted the man I’ve become.”
Meredith smiled at this too. “So why did you marry me?” she grinned.
Ethan’s dashing smile instantly dropped and it was replaced with a frown. Meredith bit her lip at this and felt her stomach swirl at the sudden silence, not knowing if she would like the answer to what she had just asked anymore. It hadn’t taken long after their marriage for her to realize he was an enigmatic man with no clear motive behind his actions. At first, she assumed he solely married her because of financial gain, but as the days passed by, she was left unsure and wondering. His hazel eyes traveled from her eyes to her lips.
"Why did you marry me?" she asked again, her voice slow and deliberate. Her heart pounded in her chest as she awaited his response.
Ethan gulped, then stared at her more carefully, as if he was unsure if he should answer or not. She let her hand fall back to the table and Ethan placed his own on top of it. Her skin flashed warm.
“Well,” he started. “Shortly after I met your father, I learned he was intending to marry you off to Lord Sutton. Even in a world where such matches are common, knowing Lord Sutton's reputation...I simply couldn't stand by.”
Meredith pulled her hand away. “So you believed a man with your reputation would be better suited for me?”
A wave of pain—if it could even be called that, washed over Ethan’s expression for just a second at her action. “I know my reputation isn’t entirely…impeccable. It is not. But I take pride in not being an abuser. I don’t think my conscience would allow me to see any woman being married off to someone like that, someone with that history. I would feel…bad for them,” he said, stumbling over his words as he tried to find the right ones to use.
“I see.” Meredith clasped the fabric of her skirts.
Feel bad for them? So it was pity?
She clenched her jaw shut and bit the inside of her cheeks, trying to control herself. Not only did her father intend to marry her off to someone like Lord Sutton, but she was learning it all from a husband that took her in out of pity.
And all this time, I was clutching onto a fragment of hope he saw something in me. I even tried to seduce him for Heaven’s sake! What must he think of me…
“Meredith, I did not mean it that way—”
