“Let us leave this room and go riding,” he suggested, and she nodded.
“Your Grace, Mrs. Gardiner is here,” Clarissa said as Anna finished writing to her sister.
“I will join her shortly.” Seeking some company, she had invited Mrs. Gardiner that afternoon to have tea with her. She stood from her seat at the bureau in one of the salons on the second floor and placed a kiss on Nips’ head, before following Clarissa out. He jumped down from his chair too and followed her, his tail swishing in the air.
Downstairs, Anna stopped abruptly when she saw a little girl playing in the drawing room doorway. She looked up at her with bright green eyes before they caught Nips and she ran to scoop him up into her arms. Anna’s heart began to beat faster, and her throat closed.
“Charlotte?” Mrs. Gardiner called from within the drawing room.
“I am here, Mama!” the girl called, still playing with Nips. Anna knew the Gardiners had a four-year-old daughter, but she had never met her until today.
And this was the worst time for Anna to see her. Ever since Colin confessed his love, her thoughts had spiraled into a shadowed place. He thought she was the best thing in his life, while she believed she was not enough. Her mother had also told her in one of her letters that she could never be enough until she could grow a family with him. This was the reason she had not been able to tell him that she loved him, too.
Pressing a hand against her twisting stomach and taking a long breath, she walked into the drawing room. Mrs. Gardiner stood and curtsied, beaming. “Good afternoon, Your Grace.”
“Thank you for coming, Mrs. Gardiner.” Anna forced a smile and sat on the sofa opposite her guest.
“Oh, it is always a pleasure. I even brought my Charlotte with me. You must have seen her.” Charlotte ran into the room just then with a wiggling Nips. He fell from her grasp and darted behind Anna’s sofa, hiding. “Charlotte dear, come and greet the Duchess of Ashden.”
The girl skipped to Anna’s side and curtsied prettily. “Good afternoon, Duchess.”
Anna smiled in earnest at her greeting and held her hand out to her, as Mrs. Gardiner said, “That is Your Grace, Charlotte, not Duchess.”
“Your Grace,” Charlotte corrected adorably, leaning against Anna when she drew her close.
“Tell me about yourself, Charlotte.” Anna picked up a sugar-covered biscuit and gave it to her.
“I like stories and biscuits,” the girl said, biting into her biscuit, and Anna chuckled at the same time that her heart squeezed.
Mrs. Gardiner grinned. “I think Charlotte is already fond of you, Your Grace, and she does not find most people agreeable.”
Anna tried to speak but the emotions had risen to her throat, thus, she only nodded.
“I think you will be an excellent mother,” Mrs. Gardiner continued, watching her with Charlotte.
At last, Anna found her voice. “Yes, thank you, Mrs. Gardiner.” She knew what she must do now to stop the pain growing inside her. She was certain to feel more pain, but it would get better.
Chapter 34
I know what I see every time I look into Colin’s eyes. He will never say it to me, I know, because he loves me. I suppose that is the problem. I cannot be wrong in his eyes because all he sees is a flawed perfection, a broken mirror. I fear the death of my marriage is on the horizon, and it makes my heart bleed.
Mama,
I have grown more lost without you. My days stretch like an endless road, and I fear I am already in the grasp of despair. I cannot tell my husband that I love him, for the words would hold no meaning if they cannot be shown.
Mama, I think I do not deserve him. Will you guide me?
Yours truly,
Anna.
My beloved,
You deserve happiness and your marriage has become a prison. This prison will crush you, Anna, if you do not escape it. Every man must have a wife who can give him all that he desires.
Come and stay with me in Bath, my dear. Give your husband the grace to find what is his. I promise you that you will be happier away from him. Together, we will be well.
Your loving mother.
