Anna hesitated in answering, but she went to sit next to her mother. “I feel I am not ready.”
Jemina’s eyes misted, and she took both of Anna’s hands. “I know, my dear. It is wrong of us to expect you to forget all that happened over the years. Please, do not mind my question. You may take as long as you need to read your Papa’s letter. I am simply too happy that you allowed me to come and stay with you.”
“Yes, Mama. That makes me feel better.”
“I want you to know that if there is anything you require, I am here.”
“I know.” Anna rose. “I should let you rest now.”
“Of course. I shall see you again later, my dear.”
Anna let herself out and closed the door.
“I have noticed there are several portraits of the late Duchess, but none of yours,” Jemina remarked as they sat in the portrait gallery writing invitations for the ball.
“Yes, but I do not mind it. Colin loved his mother very much.”
“Most people love their mothers very much, my dear.” Her mother placed a hand on her shoulder. “You should have your portrait in the manor, too.”
Anna had never thought about having her portrait hung in the manor, even though she was its mistress now. Perhaps she had come to share Colin’s disregard for portraits of oneself. Or perhaps the many paintings of the late Duke she found in the locked room were responsible. Now, she nodded in response to her mother’s suggestion without intending to give it more thought.
“Will you take my advice?” Jemina asked several minutes later.
“Yes,” Anna answered.
“You must not dwell on what might never be, my dear.”
Anna’s eyes widened as she regarded her mother. “Never be?” she echoed, dread and confusion turning within her.
“Yes, Anna,” Jemina said softly. “You must realize that it could be impossible for you to have a child. You must be prepared to face that when the time comes.”
Her chest tightened and she felt as if she could not breathe. She could not lose hope after all this while. After all that she had endured. “You are mistaken, Mama.”
“It is only a conjecture,” Jemina corrected. “Nothing is true until proven.” She patted Anna’s hand. “In the meantime, you must keep yourself and your husband occupied. I will also give Cook a list of foods that will benefit you so that they may be included in your meals.”
Anna stared at the invitation she had just finished writing before she abruptly stood. “Please, excuse me.” She walked out of the gallery and made her way to the bedchamber she shared with Colin.
On her way past a salon, she heard his voice, then Mrs. Willis’. Naturally, she would ignore it and continue her procession, but something that was said caught her attention and she stopped.
“It pains me to see her thus,” this came from Colin.
“All will change, I am sure, Your Grace,” Mrs. Willis responded, her tone one of reassurance.
“I hope so, because it is becoming unbearable for both of us.”
Anna’s heart twisted, and she placed a hand on her chest. Colin could only be speaking of her inadequacy. She knew the day would come when he would voice his disappointment. Pressing her lips together to keep from making a sound, she left, her heart breaking into tiny pieces.
Chapter 31
The ball was splendid, and everyone had a merry time. Mama and Catherine will be departing shortly, and I already feel bereft, but Colin and I will travel to London soon. I tried to abandon what I heard, but I find myself unable to. Colin is unhappy, and it is my fault.
Colin poured a finger of brandy into a tumbler and downed it in one gulp, then poured another finger and went to sit in front of the fire in his study. Anna was becoming melancholic again, and he had not been able to cheer her.
At first, he thought it was the prospect of her family departing, but he had asked her to follow them and stay with them for a while if she wanted. He set the glass down on the table beside him and passed a hand over his face, sighing.
The day before she began to draw away from him, he had told Mrs. Willis how pained he was by her fretting. It was all his fault for demanding an heir at the time of their marriage, and now, he was beginning to feel like his father. He might not have been unkind to Anna, but he had sown a notion in her mind that now made him cruel.
Colin leaned forward in his seat and rested his elbows on his knees, the ache in his heart growing. Perhaps the best course of action was to leave her be, allow some distance between them. He could not hurt her if she was too far away for him to reach.
