No, there was more. She saw a desk on one side of the room and went to it. There was nothing atop it but it had several drawers. She opened the first one and saw miniatures of the late Duke. He appeared to have been a man who loved himself excessively. The second drawer contained more miniatures in gilded frames. The third, however, had a single book inside.
Anna pulled out the book and then opened the first page, reading the name written behind the cover to herself, “Dorothy Maxwood.” The first few pages revealed it to be a journal. Many pages in the middle had been ripped out, but Anna still thought she should take it with her to read. The more she learned about his mother, the better she would understand the man she loved.
She locked the door and went to her bedchamber, where she sat in front of the hearth and began to read:
Today, I became the Duchess of Ashden. I have taken up a role that my mother prepared me for all my life. My Duke is as charming as he is handsome.
We have now been married for eleven months, and I am with child. I do not know anyone in this world who is happier than I. I can never love anyone the way I love Joseph. He is my light and the reason for my existence. I will do anything for him, and we will be even happier when our child is born.
Joseph is not pleased any time he finds me writing to my family. He does not wish for me to visit them or have them visit me. I feel quite isolated all the way here in the north. The villagers are good company, however, and I find Mrs. Lander most entertaining. Her stories never cease to make me smile.
Joseph has earned quite a temper, but he promised he will control it better when he is around me. I must admit that I was a little afraid when he broke a vase simply because I did not want to travel with him to London. I am in confinement and must remain in Northumberland until our child is born.
He did not mean to strike me and I forgive him. I will insist he checks his temper. It is ripening, and I do not want our child to see it or learn from it. I am sure I did not marry a brutish beast.
Today, I birthed the most precious little boy in the world. He has his father’s brilliant blue eyes. God bless and protect Colin Edgar George Maxwood for me. Joseph is very proud, and he is hosting a grand ball in honor of his heir. He also allowed my family to visit me. The last time I saw my parents was on my wedding day. They said my appearance has changed, and I told them that having a child tends to do that to one.
I cannot understand how Joseph could be both cruel and loving. He tells me that the devil lives inside him and makes him strike me. He swears that he will change. My heart is still filled with love for him.
How could he slap an infant? Colin is only two years old. What did he do to deserve this? All he did was cry as children are wont to do when their toys have been taken away.
I am no longer enough for Joseph. He keeps several mistresses, and one of them lives in a cottage near Edinfield. He spends more time with her than with Colin and me, and their affair is so well-known that I have noticed the servants casting me sympathetic glances. He was brought into my life to be my torment. It matters not how hard he beats me or how vile he curses me, I cannot kill the love in my heart.
Colin came to protect me and paid dearly with a broken arm. The physician said he will heal well. After all, he is only seven and still growing.
I could not bear to see him after Joseph whipped him. I have failed as a mother because I am unable to protect my son. Colin is wounded for the smallest acts of disobedience from both himself and me. His once happy eyes are now jaded and glossed. I wish I did not accept Joseph’s marriage offer ten years ago. I know I will take this regret to my grave.
Anna immediately shut the journal and buried her face in her hands, her tears pouring unbidden. These were only fragments but she was beginning to understand what had happened to Colin and his mother. Her heart shattered.
Chapter 25
Should I allow my mother to help me? She has had children, and her knowledge could greatly benefit me. I also miss her…
My dear Anna,
Catherine told me that you are melancholic every month when you discover that you have not conceived. Please do not be displeased with her, for she told me out of concern for you. I do not want you to worry, my dear. It took me three years to have Catherine, then another four years to have you.
It will happen. Have faith, trust your husband, and eat well. You need only ask if there is anything that your Papa and I can do to help you. We love you, Anna, more than life itself.
Your loving parents,
Dear Mother,
I do not mind that Catherine told you. I might actually need your guidance. I wish to make my husband happy, but that might be impossible if I cannot give him a child, particularly an heir.
I should feel some relief that it took you a while to have a child, but I do not feel it. In fact, I am positively dismayed. Perhaps something is wrong with the women in our family; Catherine never had a child.
What do I do? I have been married for more than six months.
Sincerely,
Annelise Maxwood
My dearest sister,
I hope you are well and enjoying the winter. I cannot say that I am…
If ever you find the opportunity, I would like for you to visit me.
