The words tumbled out without thought or consequence.
“I love you, Clay.”
He didn’t stiffen. At least she didn’t think he did, but his hand stopped and she was greeted with silence.
Ugh. She should have kept her mouth shut!
As the seconds ticked by, she shifted to get off of him. She had to go to the bathroom anyway.
He didn’t stop her.
How embarrassing. She didn’t know what was worse. No comment or him trying to make up something.
She went to the bathroom, ran the water longer than normal to wash her hands and gather herself, then had to return to face him.
Should she say something else or pretend she didn’t let it slip?
She climbed into bed and held her tongue.
“Listen, Meredith.”
“Don’t,” she said. “Don’t say anything to upset me or make it worse. It’s just words. It’s been an emotional few days and it was the orgasm talking. Let it go.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then don’t say anything else,” she said and turned on her back. She wanted to get up and leave, but that would be stupid. He’d never let her go anyway.
Just like the stupid chain he had wrapped around her heart would never be released.
35
AWKWARD MOMENT
Clay had never been good with words and watching Meredith get up before him the next morning and jump in the shower wasn’t helping matters any.
He didn’t think she was going to drop the L bomb on him last night when he could barely gather his thoughts from watching her come undone on top of him.
He didn’t know if he loved her. Fuck, he didn’t know what love even was.
The last thing he was going to do was say something that might not be true. That would only hurt everyone in the end.
Or more than he’d already done.
She came out of the shower, and he was sitting with his back to the headboard. “We should talk.”
“No,” she said. “It’s all good.”
There was a forced smile on her face. “No, it’s not. You deserve to know what I’m thinking.”
“What if I don’t think I’m ready to hear it? Can’t we just leave it be?”
“You can’t run from everything in your life because it’s not the way you want.”
“Don’t tell me that,” she said. “I’m not running. Not like you think. I stand my ground and half the time that gets me in trouble. If you think otherwise, then you don’t know me at all.”
He was thinking he didn’t know himself.
“I know you better than you think I do. You’re feeling gratitude toward me.”
