And I’m left wondering, how the fuck am I supposed to honor her faith in me without tearing apart every rule Mav ever laid down?
THIRTEEN
NIGHTMARE
I’m pacingthe living room, trying to figure out how to explain this to Maverick, when a guttural scream tears through the house.
Instinct kicks in.
Drawing my gun, I rush down the hall, into her room, and slam my shoulder into the bathroom door. The lock splinters.
Lolo’s on the floor of the shower, water blasting down on her, arms wrapped around herself like she’s trying to keep from falling apart. She’s sobbing so hard the sound echoes off the tile.
My chest tightens. Not from danger. It’s from watching her break under the truth… her family is gone.
Holstering my gun, I grab a towel, and step inside without thinking. “Lolo…” My voice cracks.
She doesn’t look up, doesn’t seem to hear me.
Scooping her up, water soaking into my shirt, I carry her into the bedroom. She’s shaking so hard that her teeth chatter.
Collapsing against me, she cries for so long, my arms go numb. It doesn’t matter, I’m not moving her. I sit there, cradling her in my lap, rocking her like I’m trying to keep her from breaking apart completely. I know this kind of hurt. Felt it whenI lost my parents. The only difference… no one was there to hold me together
Minutes drag into hours. Her sobs finally taper off, but the heaviness in her eyes doesn’t budge. She looks up at me, face streaked with tears, exhausted… then leans in and kisses me. It’s not gentle. It’s desperate. Searching. Like she’s drowning and I’m the only air she can find.
“Please. Help me forget this pain,” she pleads against my mouth.
For a split second, my body reacts… heat, need… before my brain slams the brakes. I’ve wanted her since the day she slapped the cuffs on me, but not like this.
Not when she’s broken.
Not when she’s hurting enough to grab the closest flame just to feel something other than pain.
“Lolo…” I pull back just enough to create a little space. “That’s your grief talking,”
Her fingers tighten in my shirt, her voice cracking. “Maybe it is. But it’s all I’ve got right now,” she says.
The air between us grows thick, her pain is right there, begging me to relieve it.
And I feel it deep in my bones… the part of me that’s torn between pushing her away and giving her what she’s asking for.
It’s also the part that knows if I do, everything changes.
“You don’t want me, Lolo. You just want the pain gone.” If only she knew how close I am to breaking, how close I am to giving into this madness.
“And what if I do?”
I grip her shoulders, steady but firm. “Then you fight it. You don’t bury it in me. You use it. You take that pain and aim it at whoever did this to your family. That’s how you honor Ty. That’s how you honor your parents.”
Her breath shakes, tears streaking down her face. For a moment, she looks like she might shatter again. Then she nods, trembling.
I hold her tighter, not as a lover but as an anchor. “I’ll help you. But not like that. We’ll find the leak, and we’ll make them pay.”
“I hate this,” she says, wiping her face with the back of her hand
“I know.”
“I hate that you’re right.”
