Nina
I sitin the back of the taxi with my legs pulled up under me, my head lolling to the side as it thuds against the window in regret. I’ve never felt so dirty—the need to scrub at every inch of my body is overwhelming.
Is this how she felt?
My eyes grow heavy, and I blink them closed before they can fill with tears. I refuse to feel sorry for my mother. It’s the last thing she deserves.
Rain falls fiercely on the windshield, the pelting so savage and unrelenting it demands my focus, but does nothing to deter my thoughts from the internal storm that’s raging inside me. I stare straight ahead, feeling completely lost.
I’m not angry at Mason (lie). I’m angry at myself. Mad that I put myself in such a degrading situation. I’ve had one-night stands before, most of them whilst in university, but I have never been left feeling so cheap in my life. Puffing out a breath, I pull out my phone and call Lucy.
“Nina, where the hell are you? You’re missing pancakes,” she whines.
“Luce, I—” My voice cracks and I try to swallow the lump that’s lodged in my throat.
“Where are you? Are you okay?” she asks, her words laced with concern.
A tear rolls down my cheek and I swipe it away quickly, hoping the driver doesn’t notice. “I’m in a taxi on my way home.”
“I’m on my way babe. I will get Dad to drop me home. Give me half an hour, okay?”
The line goes dead, leaving me alone with my thoughts again and shame gutting me from the inside out.
I notice I have a new voicemail and two missed calls from my mum. How ironic. I hit play, my scalp prickling as her voice drifts into my ears.
“Nina! For goodness sake, call me back. I am your mother! You should show me more respect. You move to the big city, get your fancy studio and think you can snub me. Never forget where you came from, little girl.”
Any other day I would fight her words; it’s what she wants. If we had a functional mother-daughter relationship, she’d be forced to acknowledge the guilt that I pray festers inside of her. And she is guilty. Guilty of destroying my childhood.
The taxi rolls to a stop outside my building, and I lean in to pay the driver. I catch my reflection in the mirror, instantly cringing. Dark circles surround my eyes from last night’s makeup. I look pale, like I’ve not had enough sleep, and my hair is a matted mess.
I walk up the stairs of my building unhurried, glad to be home and away from the outside world. My tiny apartment sits on the fourth floor, and its open-plan living makes it seem bigger than it actually is. I have a small U-shaped kitchen along the far wall with a wraparound island. My little kidney-shaped sofa sits against it. The coffee table is currently littered with paperwork, and yesterday’s coffee—only half finished—sits cold beside it.
My gaze scans the corner to my left. Where most would have a place to dine, I have a place to dance. A huge free-standing mirror decorates the back wall, with cushioned mats lining the floor beneath it. Fairy lights drape from the ceiling above, illuminating the small nook. It’s where I find myself when the world demands more than I’m willing to give.
I throw my bag down on the sofa on the way to my room, digging out a pair of pyjamas from my chest of drawers before heading for the shower.
I stand under the spray for what feels like forever, washing my body repeatedly until I start to feel more like myself again. The devastation I felt only hours ago washed down the drain along with all thoughts of Mason Lowell.
* * *
Lucy is layingon my bed by the time I finish showering. She pulls back the duvet for me to slide in, spooning me from behind as she throws an arm around my waist. “We dropped Megan at The Elm. She’s getting you breakfast,” she tells me.
We lie in silence for a while until Megan arrives fifteen minutes later. She drops down onto the bed, lying sprawled out at our feet.
“Fucking hell, girls, I’m never drinking again,” she groans.
I smile into my fist. I can always rely on my girls to be here when I need them, even hungover to shit they show up.
“Nina took me home to my parents. I was sick until four a.m.,” Lucy whines at the back of my head.
“Exactly why I took you to your parents, stupid.” I hesitate before adding, “I got a lift home with Elliot and Charlie’s friend, Mason. I ended up going back to his place.”
Megan sits up in a rush, instantly turning pale from the movement. “You did what?”
“I didn’t sleep with him. He told me he wouldn’t touch me because I’d been drinking.” Megan’s features relax a little. “But we kissed. A lot.” Lucy giggles at my back. “And then this morning, I woke up in his bed, and he was laying there looking all incredible and hot and I… I started to touch him.”
I think I’ve rendered them speechless, neither of them uttering a word.
