He’d know that he wanted to end things with Mae. That her being there, her being the one to take care of him, was actually the last thing he really, truly would have chosen.
She’d been playing with fire. Living a lie of a life on borrowed time. Her skin crawled as she felt the walls caving in around her.
“Mae? Are you okay?” Sloane asked.
“Of course! I’m so excited to help plant that garden, Lily. To all the exciting things happening for all of you, and to finally having a girls’ night to celebrate them!” Mae stood up and clanked her glass against Lily’s. Then Sloane’s, and finally Lacy’s. “We don’t do these enough. Now that all you ladies are settled down with your man.”
“What do you mean? You’re settled down with Stone. Now that Hawk knows, that must be such a relief,” Lacy said.
“Oh, yeah… it is, for sure.”
“How is he doing? Really? Every time I see him, he gives such a manly answer.” Sloane asked. “Always the ‘oh, Sloane. I’m fine!’ bravado.”
Mae shrugged.
“What’s going on with you right now?” Lacy asked as she sipped from her glass.
“I can’t,” Mae shook her head, holding onto Lily’s gaze.
“You can. We all want to be here for you. Friends sharewhat is going on in their lives, Mae. The good and the bad. The happy and the sad.”
“Stone wanted to get married,” she blurted out.
“Oh my god! Congratulations—” Sloane smiled so brightly, but Mae shook her head.
“We aren’t engaged. We won’t be getting engaged. I didn’t really answer him… but I would say no if he asked again.”
“What? When did he ask?”
“The night I told him about the baby.” Mae drained her Ranch Water. “About an hour before I started miscarrying.”
“Oh god,” Lacy whispered, her hand coming to rest on Mae’s arm.
“It’s fine. He hasn’t asked again. Why would he? He was only asking because of the baby.” Mae faintly registered Gage, and Nash sitting deathly still as she continued. “But even if he did, I would say no.”
“Why? You love him. And he loves you.” Sloane doubled as Mae’s vision swooped. The heat of the tequila was starting to spread through her body, numbness warming all the painful and sharp edges that were becoming too much to handle.
“You know his doctors told us no big life decisions right now. His body is still healing, and more than that, so is his mind. There’s a huge chunk of time he doesn’t remember, and that includes us breaking up.”
“Mae…”
“No, Lily. Stone made that decision. The morning he was shot. I was literally down on my knees begging him to make another choice, but…” she shrugged. “He told me to get up, and I did. I walked out of that apartment swearing I’d never be back. I promised myself I wouldn’t be pathetic. I wouldn’t go back. And look at me now. He doesn’t remember that he didn’t choose me. He was so happy when I told him about the baby.” Her voice pulled, a hiccup forcing the words she was about to spiral out with back down, deep into her soul.
“And all we’ve done is pushed you back to help him.” Sloane’s eyes were wide. “I’m so sorry, Mae. How can we help? What can we do?”
“Order me some more shots?”
“You don’t need more alcohol.” Nash stood and crossed his arms. As if his command was going to stop her from enjoying her night.
“I just want to let loose,dad. I don’t want to feel sad right now. I’m tired of thinking about everything I lost. The baby?—”
Tears filled her friends’ eyes. No, shit. She didn’t want that. She turned to smile at the guys, but she was met with that same sadness. That same pity she was trying to outrun.
It was meant to be a fun night out. Mae wasthe fun friend. She was outgoing, fiery, and funny. She wasn’t sad, and drippy, and she certainly didn’t need coddling.
Mae shook her head. “I need this to not be a sad night. All I’ve been feeling lately is sad. I need to forget. I need to let loose.”
“I’ll go get those shots.” Sloane stood, smiling as Gage got up and walked inside with her.
