“Lily—”
“Nope.” She scooted over in the bed wrapping her arms around Mae. “I should have been here. I should have known. I’m so sorry.”
Mae pressed her lips together tightly, fighting the wobble in her chin. She cleared her throat, trying to focus on anything other than the pain oozing out of her heart. “It’s fine. It was so early. It’s stupid that I’m this heartbroken over a little tiny someone that complicated things.”
“Mae. I wish you would have told me. Even last night?—”
“I can’t talk about it. I can’t. I’ll never stop crying and I hate that. This isn’t who I am. I’m not an out of control blubbering mess!” Her voice hitched as tears flooded her vision, making Lily look like she was under water. “Why can’t I stop crying?”
Her sweet friend gave her a watery smile. “We can blame it on the hormones if you want.”
“Yes, please.”
“Okay, that’s what we’ll do. And we don’t have to talk about it right now. We can turn on some ridiculous reality show and eat all the brownies I brought, but I was instructed by your boyfriend to make sure you keep the heating pad on your belly while we’re in bed. He knows you’re still in pain.”
Mae bit on her lip and reached behind herself to grab the heating pad off the nightstand. So much for hiding the way she was actually feeling.
“This all sounds perfect.” She clicked the heating pad controls to the highest setting before reality slammed into. “Shit. Wait. It’s a work day. I need to go to the office.”
Lily gave her a sad little smile. “You absolutely do not. Gunner is going to take care of everything today.”
“No. I can’t let him do that. The guys are already being run through the wringer with that awful article. Yesterday was such a shit show, I can’t imagine today will be any better.”
“They’re tough. They can pull the phone off the line and ignore their emails if they need to. And I know he wants you to have some time to heal.”
Mae’s fingers started pulling at a loose thread on the edge of the blanket she was wrapped in. “That’s really sweet of him. I guess he finally got sick of me punching the electronics around the office...”
An hour later, the aching, cramping emptiness inside her was hurting less. It was still there, and Mae noticed how Lily’s eyes kept moving from the TV to assess her each time shemoved or tried to find a more comfortable position. They’d eaten spoonfuls of warm brownies, laughed at the ridiculous behavior of housewives in some big city on one of the coasts, and Mae settled into the comfort of just having her best friend there with her.
It was overwhelming to feel her friend’s love and support. Mae let her head fall on Lily’s shoulder as she moved to try and find a comfortable position again. Lily’s hand came around Mae’s back and she gave her a half hug from the side.
“Did Gunner tell you before today? That he knew?” she whispered.
Lily shook her head. “Gunner didn’t tell me until this morning when Stone wanted me to come over, but I guess Stone was freaking out the night you… it happened. He called Gunner crying. I remember him whispering something in my ear when he rolled out of bed, but it wasn’t anything about you. Gunner didn’t know until he came over here to talk to him.”
“Stone was crying?” Gunner hadn’t mentioned that when she’d completely melted down in the printer room. God, why was that breaking her heart?
Lily nodded. “Gunner said he’d never seen him like that. Panicked. Couldn’t calm him down. It was like he thought he was going to lose you too.”
“But he already did lose me. And I’m having to stay here every day and act like everything’s fine because he still needs to heal. What about what I need? He still looks at me like he loves me, Lily. But what happens when he gets his memory back? What happens when he remembers that he wanted me gone? That he got what he wanted when he held me as I cried in the shower losing our baby… because he didn’t actually ever want a baby with me?”
“What if he never remembers that time? What if you’re able to work through the things you both said to each otherand you both realize that yes, this was the most horrific way imaginable to get a second chance, but it’s yours to make the most of? Maybe you two walk away from this stronger than ever before.”
“How can I do that when I’m not allowed to tell him what happened that night?”
“When did she fall asleep?”Sloane’s voice weaved its way into the darkness of Mae’s mind.
“Less than an hour ago. I was trying to let her rest. I don’t think she’s been taking care of herself.”
“That’s not surprising. Something like a miscarriage…”
Mae groaned. “Alright, hens, quit talking about me like I’m not even here.”
Her eyes opened, and Lacy, Sloane, and Lily were all perched on various points of her bed, staring back at her.
“Oh, god. Sorry, Mae.” Sloane looked like she was about to cry. And that fucking killed Mae. Because aside from herself, Sloane was the least emotion-driven person Mae knew.
“Nah, I get it. I’m falling apart. My life has turned into a flaming dumpster fire and I’m not handling it well. I appreciate the brutal honesty.”
