Now, though, he looks almost disappointed by the ease of it all. “That was my one big obstacle, and it turned out fine. I mean, sure, it took me a while to get there, and freshman year was a little rough, but let’s be honest: it could’ve been so much worse.”
“Well, therewasthat time your parents hung a poster of the U.S. men’s soccer team above your bed.”
In spite of himself, Leo laughs. “That will never not be embarrassing.”
“They were just trying to be there for you.”
“Exactly,” he says. “That’s what I mean.”
“What?”
“I’ve been really lucky. Too lucky. It can’t go on like this forever. Something bad is bound to happen.”
“That’s not—”
“You and Teddy are my two best friends,” he says, his brown eyes intent on mine. “And you guys have been through so much. Too much. It doesn’t seem fair. Especially with you. You were dealt the worst hand ever, and you deserve more luck than anyone, and it just makes me feel even more guilty that I—”
“Leo,” I say gently. “I don’t think there’s a big tote board somewhere. I don’t think it has anything to do with keeping score.” I pause. “I don’t think the world is necessarily fair.”
“But what if you’re wrong?” he asks, leaning forward. “Look, Teddy got screwed in the dad department, right? Then he wins the lottery. Maybe that’s the universe making it up to him.”
“I think you’re giving the universe way too much credit.”
“But what if I’m not?”
I give him a hard look. “Then what about me?”
“Well, it would obviously mean you’re due something good,” he says, then adds, “somethinggreat.”
“But that’s the thing,” I say, trying to keep my voice even. “I kind of hope that would be true even if something horriblehadn’thappened to me. I hate to believe you have to pay for the good things with something bad.”
“So you think it only works one way?”
“I don’t think it works like that at all,” I say, exasperated. “If it was possible to store up enough good karma to save you from anything bad happening, then it wouldn’t be so hard to find volunteers at the nursing home on a Saturdaynight.”
“Well, if there were bonus points for that,” Leo says, allowing a small smile, “you’d have enough stored up for a lifetime of good luck.”
I roll my eyes. “Now you know the truth. I’m only in it for the karmic credit.”
“No,” he says, picking up his water glass, “you’re in it because of your parents.”
“And because of me,” I say quickly, automatically, thinking about how Teddy said this very same thing. Maybe that’s how it hadstarted,with me trying to do what my parents no longer could. But it’s not about that anymore.
At least I don’t think it is.
At least not entirely.
It’s not.
I say this last part out loud: “It’s not.”
“It’s not what?” Leo asks with a frown, and I blink at him.
“It’s not only because of my parents. It’s about helping people, and doing something good, and making a difference.”
He nods, but he doesn’t look quite convinced. He slides his fork back and forth on the table, his mouth twisting. “Anyway, I’m sorry about what I said before.”
“What?”
