“Yeah,” I say quietly. “I do.”
He looks surprised. “What?”
“You might be right about all that other stuff,” I say, trying to keep my voice from shaking. “But I’m right about this. Nobody else is being honest with you. They’re all too busy fawning over you or waiting for you to throw a few bucks in their direction.”Or laughing at you,I almost say, thinking of the guys in the parking lot or the girls I overheard giggling about his updated wardrobe last week. “They all want something from you.”
“And you don’t,” he says in a way that makes my stomach churn, because of course I do. It’s just not what he thinks.
“I want this to mean something,” I tell him. “And I want you to be happy. And I don’t want people taking advantage of you.”
Teddy shakes his head. “They’re not.”
“Come on,” I say, more gently now. “I know those basketball guys were the ones who convinced you to get a house in Mexico. And you must’ve noticed the teachers sucking up to you. Not to mention all the girls batting their eyelashes in your direction. And Lila—all of a sudden Lila’s hanging out with you again?”
“It’s not—”
“Teddy,” I say, rolling my eyes. “I saw you guys at school today. She was stuck to you like a freaking barnacle.”
“That’s not—”
“And meanwhile, you can’t even be bothered to remember kissingme.”
I freeze. I hadn’t meant to say that, and now that it’s out there I immediately wish I could take it back. Teddy’s face has drained of color, and he’s staring at me with a slightly strangled expression. I can hardly bear to look at him, and as the seconds tick by I’m convinced this silence between us will never, ever end.
“Of course I remember,” he says after a long moment, and I let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding.
“Okay,” I say, wishing I could think of something better, but I’m too distracted by the pounding of my heart, which is loud in my ears.
“Yeah,” he says, and we sit there for a little while longer, just stewing in the terrible awkwardness of the moment.
“So…”
He scratches at his forehead. “It’s just…,” he says, looking pained. “The thing is…”
I nod like an idiot, my chest filled with a mounting dread.
“There was a lot going on that day, you know?” he says, his eyes on the carpet. “And I think maybe I got a little caught up in the excitement, which is why I didn’t want to—”
“It’s fine,” I say, holding up a hand, even as all the air goes rushing out of me.
I want nothing more than to disappear right now.
I want the floor to open up beneath me.
I want to be anywhere but here.
It takes great effort to say the next words, to make them sound like a normal sentence rather than a pathetic attempt at walking back three whole years of feelings. “That’s what I figured.”
“It is?” he says, a trace of hope flickering on his face as I throw him this lifeline. “Good. I’m sorry if—”
“Nope,” I say, shaking my head too hard. “It’s fine.”
“I should’ve said something earlier.”
“Yeah…I guess so.”
He frowns. “What does that mean?”
“Well,” I say, grasping for my dignity, trying desperately to regain some footing, “it’s just that you’ve obviously been kind of preoccupied lately.”
