He turns to me, brow furrowed. “What? No. That’s not what I meant at all.”
“It’s what Teddy was trying to say too. That I need a safety net.” I keep my eyes straight ahead as I say this, unable to look at him. “Because I’m on my own.”
“That’s not true,” Leo says, and though he means it to sound comforting, there’s a hint of annoyance in his voice. “You have me. And my parents. You know that.”
“But it’s not the same as it is for you. I’m eighteen now, which means they’re not technically responsible for me anymore.” I can tell he’s about to interrupt me, so I hurry on. “I know they’ll always be there if I need them—I do. But it still makes me an island.”
Leo comes to a stop, turning to face me. “That’s what youthink?”
I shift from one foot to the other. We’re standing in an inch of slush and I can feel my toes growing cold even in my rubber boots.
“You’re not alone.” He looks wounded. “You have us. Forever.”
Forever,I think, closing my eyes for a second.
It seems like such a brittle promise.
“You’ve been here nine years,” he says. “That’s, like, thousands of family dinners. But you still think of San Francisco as home. It’s not that you’re actually an island, Alice. It’s just that you still act like one. And nobody can change that but you.”
I dip my chin, staring down at my boots, then blow out a puff of frozen air. The words have a sting to them, and I realize that’s because they’re true.
“I know,” I say in a small voice, and Leo gives me an officious nod, like this is all he wanted to hear. Then he begins to walk again, picking his way around the puddles.
“Besides,” he says over his shoulder, “if anything, you’re more of a peninsula.”
“Like Florida?” I ask, which makes him laugh.
“Something like that.”
We walk in silence for another block, our heads bent against the wind, and when we pause at an intersection I glance over at him. “Teddy wasn’t totally wrong,” I admit. “If I was smart, I probably would’ve taken the money. But it doesn’t feel like mine to take.”
“Yeah, but—”
“The ticket belongs to him,” I say. “Which means the money belongs to him. That’s all there is to it.”
“Right, but—”
“Leo,” I say with a sigh. “It was the right thing to do, okay?”
He gives me a look I know well. The one that suggests I’m not telling him everything. When the light turns green, we make our way across the icy crosswalk. Leo’s jaw is set and his hands are shoved into his pockets, and even though it might look for all the world like he’s lost in thought or simply ignoring me, I can tell he’s really just biding his time, waiting for me to admit the true reason.
“Fine,” I say eventually. “Maybe I’m a little afraid of it too.”
“Why?”
“Because,” I say with a shrug, “you heard what Teddy said. It’s the kind of money that could change everything.”
“Ah,” he says, a look of understanding passing over his face.
“Everything in my life has already changed once before,” I tell him, trying to sound matter-of-fact. “And I don’t really have any interest in that happening again.”
This time when Leo stops and turns to me, his brown eyes are clear and bright. “I get it,” he says. “Your parents died, and your life got turned upside down, and now all you want is for things to be normal.”
I blink at him. “I guess.”
“And you got a bunch of money out of it too,” he continues. “Which you’d trade in a heartbeat for more time with them. Right?”
“Right,” I say cautiously, not sure where this is going.
