My heart thundered but I nodded. “Yes.”
He brushed the salve across my skin. Already the burning there felt soothed.
“Is that okay?” he asked.
“It feels better.” I swallowed roughly, and showed him my neck, pulling my hair back.
His eyes followed my movements, scanning the injuries there. “May I?” he asked again.
“Yes.”
He nodded, putting some salve there as well. I nearly sighed in relief. “Where else?” he asked.
I showed him the other side of my neck. And again, he asked, “May I?” before applying the salve.
I swallowed, knowing what came next. They hadn’t all been monsters in the Palace. Some had been nice. Gentle even. At first. Asking permission, showing respect. But the end was the same. Always. What they wanted from me. What they expected in exchange for the smallest of kindnesses.
The backs of my eyes burned, and I was suddenly breathing heavily through my nostrils. But it was time. Time to get it over with. I began to untie the tops of my dress.
Dario watched with rapt attention as I let the material fall down, exposing my breasts in the firelight.
He sucked in a breath, his eyes widening, darting to my nipples. His chest heaved, his jaw working, before he met my eyes again.
“Wh-where?” he asked. “I don’t,” his eyes narrowed, “I don’t see any cuts.”
I almost laughed. “They’re elsewhere. I figured I’d just give you what you wanted up front.”
Dario’s face fell. He looked like I had punched him in the stomach. He practically reared back from me.
“What I–what I wanted? What?—”
“You want something from me, don’t you? I’ve seen the way you look at me.” I ran a hand down my breast, my fingers slowly caressing my nipple. “Not just today, but for the last few weeks.”
Dario turned away, his face red. “That’s what you think of me? That I came after you to get something in return?”
“Isn’t that what you want?” Rhyan had trusted him. So had Lyr, and so did Meera. And to some startling extent, so did I. Even that first real night together, when we’d had to escape, when I’d told him my secret, told him who I was, I felt I could trust him. But … I just … if he was going to be like the others, going to use me, I just needed to know. Needed to stop guessing, stop wondering, and know without a doubt if I’d been wrong.
“Gods, Jules.” He turned back to me, his eyes on mine, his hand reaching for me.
And there it was. His hand would be on my breast, in a moment, he’d be laying me on the floor, rucking up my skirts. I was ready. Ready to gloat. Ready to bask in being right. But most importantly ready to retreat, to go to that place I had to in order to survive, to not feel.
Only Dario didn’t touch me. His fingers closed around the straps of my dress as he pulled them back up to my shoulders, reaching around me for the back pieces and tying them again until I was covered.
His nostrils flared, his breath still heavy. “If you have any more injuries,” he said coldly, “I’ll treat them. But that’s it. I won’t touch you in any other way.”
I believed him. And yet, I scoffed. “Sure.”
“I won’t. I gave you my word, Julianna. I swore I would protect you, that I would keep you safe. I gave you my oath.”
I shook my head. “I saw the ways your eyes darkened, the way you looked at me just now.”
“Because you’re beautiful,” Dario said, lifting his hands up in surrender. “Is that what you want to hear, Jules? What you need from me? An admission? You need me to tell you that the first time I saw you, I thought you were so Godsdamned beautiful it hurt? Because it did.” His nostrils flared, his jaw muscles working. “Yes. I want you. Okay? I do. But I will not act on it. Because what my body desires doesn’t mean shit if you don’t want it, too. Not ever. Especially not tonight. You owe me nothing. I would have come for you no matter what. I would have come for you if you hated me. Nothing would have stopped me.”
My stomach turned. I could hear the hurt in his voice that I didn’t believe him. That I hadn’t trusted him. Had thought him little more than a Kormac. Only Ihadbelieved I could trust him—I knew he wasn’t like that. Dario wasn’t just some man. He’d been my companion for a month. My protector. What the fuck was I doing?
“I-I feel this pull towards you,” he said quietly. “Being with you,” his voice cracked, “it would mean something to me. More than you know. You, of all people, never have to fear me.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, almost nauseated by what I’d done. Old fucking habits. Fears.
