That’s going to be me. Unless I can act fast. Unless I find a way to end myself. But what kills a forsaken? Garrett had still been breathing before he died. Why? Why not me? Was less of his soul taken? Or is it just because I’m too close to the transformation?
I don’t know what to do. If I can’t breathe, I can’t drown. I can’t suffocate.
Can I stab myself in the stomach?
Can I even find a fucking weapon?
I kick at the silver moontree in front me. I’m barefoot. Naked. And despite that fact, despite losing all of my strength, all of my magic from being stripped, when I kick this tree, it moves. This tree with its thick silver trunk deeply embedded into the ground, the tree that’s hundreds of years old bends to my will.
My strength, it’s already too much.
Then, there it is, between the trees, in the dying sun. I see a flash of fiery, beautiful, red hair.
Batavia red.
Lyriana.
No. NO!
I have to get away from her. I have to run. Because I’m almost done. Almost a monster. And if she’s near me, and if I hurt her …
Suddenly, my gums are on fire and everything inside of me starts to burn. My skin is stretching, my bones are aching. The fangs are filling my mouth as the sky darkens. It’s happening. It’s happening.
And I can’t stop it. Can’t do anything to stop it.
Except die. Except get away from her, get away from the girl I love. I have to put distance between us. All the distance I can muster.
It’s all I can do. The only way I can stop the threat.
Stop myself from doing the one thing that will destroy my soul again.
“Rakame.” Her voice is in the air, smooth and ethereal. Beautiful. Ancient and new.
“Ly–Ly—” Fuck. My mouth is so dry, I can barely speak. And I don’t know how anymore. My teeth are foreign to me.My jaw feels disfigured. “Lyr,” I finally gasp, forcing out the word. “Mekara.”
“Rhyan,” she says and steps out from behind the tree.
“No!” I yell, backing away. “Don’t! Get out of here. Get away from me!” But as I look at her, truly look at her, I’m suddenly on my knees, my hands opening and closing into helpless fists as her light shines. She’s alive, and beautiful, and glowing. And my heart’s breaking. She’s too full of life. Too full of love and beauty, and all that’s good in this world—all that was good in mine. She’s too bright. And it’s not glowing just from her chest. From the Valalumir inside her. It’s everywhere, it’s under her skin. And it’s too fucking bright.
Brighter than the brightest star in Heaven. Brighter than the sun.
“Lyr, please,” I cry. I can’t see her face, not with the light she exudes. I wish I could. Gods, I wish I could gaze upon her one last time. Alive. With these eyes. “Please. Kill me. Kill me before I’m a monster. Before I change. Before I hurt you.”
“No,” she says. “Rhyan. Look at me. Rhyan, look. I am not Lyriana.”
And it’s at that moment I obey and gaze upon her face, and see her beauty. Her otherworldly beauty. The beauty of a Goddess.
“Not Lyriana, yet,” she says.
“Asherah?” Her name rolls off my tongue with ease, and for a moment, I almost swear I can breathe again. That my chest rises and falls, that blood flows through my veins.
But in the end, it doesn’t. I’m still forsaken.
She steps forward, her body glowing, still too bright. Something like an aura of red flames encircles her. She doesn’t even seem real. She definitely doesn’t belong in this world. She never did.
“Can you kill me?” I ask. “Can you end this?”
“No,” she says sadly. “I cannot. Even if I had the power. Even if I had physical form, I would not. You are of Auriel. Eternal. A Guardian. My love. You are the vessel of his soul, and you are his future, as much as he is your past. You are connected. You are not him. But I love you as if you were. I could never harm you.”
