She nodded. “I’m going to wash my face, and then I’m going to sleep. Please.” Her eyes fell on Meera, and then lingered on me, her expression harsh. “Don’t disturb me.”
“No one will, you have my word,” Rhyan said. “Me sha, me ka.” He pressed his fist to his chest.
“Thank you,” she said, her voice terse.
“I’ll, um, be in the hall for a little while,” he said, pushing his hand through his hair. “Give you all some privacy to do whatever you want and get into bed. You can take your time. I’ll knock before I enter.”
Rhyan headed for the door, and my stomach twisted. I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack. I didn’t know what was going on. But I suddenly couldn’t stay in that room. Not alone, not without Rhyan. I followed him outside. My heart was pounding, my stomach twisting. The room felt too small, the ceiling too low. I couldn’t breathe. I had gotten what I wanted and I still couldn’t breathe, I felt like I had that night two years ago. Watching Jules be taken away from me, right before my very eyes and I couldn’t do anything. I had to be still, quiet. I couldn’t reach out for her.
Just like I couldn’t reach for her now.
“I need to talk to Rhyan,” I said, and closed the door behind me. Then I pressed my back to the wall, my knees shaking, and closed my eyes.
“Partner?” Rhyan’s aura swept over me, and I looked up. He leaned against the wall beside me, reaching for my hip. “What is it?” he asked. “What’s wrong?” His eyes moved toward the door. “Don’t you want to …?”
I shook my head. “I need you,” I said, my voice shaking. “I need you. Can you—can you take us away from here? Please? Just for a few minutes? I can’t … I can’t stay here.”
He frowned, his eyes moving and back and forth across mine quickly. “You sure?”
My chest started to heave, my breath coming short. “Please. Now!”
“Okay. Okay,” he said, and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against him. My stomach tugged, and the inn’s darkened hallway vanished.
My feet touched down on the roof of the main temple in Thene. I could see the entire city from there, the stars twinkling above, and fire torches lit every few feet along the streets. They were mostly empty, but a few soturi were on duty, standing guard, and a couple of mages appeared to be arriving to work early. Not far from the inn was a stable of ashvan horses. A few were running in the courtyard, tiny blue lights exploding with each step their hooves took.
I clutched Rhyan to me, as he caught his breath, and recovered from the jump. When he was steady, I sank to my knees. He came with me, catching me, holding me against him. He sat back, and settled me in his lap, face to face, with my legs wrapped around him. He carefully pulled his soturion cloak around me, both of our hoods lifted to conceal us.
And only then, alone, and nearly invisible, in the middle of the night, at the top of the city, with his arms tight around me, his scent in my nose, the heat of his body radiating toward mine, I sobbed.
Rhyan didn’t speak. He just let me cry, let me expel every withheld emotion of fear and stress I’d felt all night long. All winter. Ever since I heard the words “She’s alive.” It was pouring out of me like I was a broken floodgate. And I couldn’t stop.
He rubbed my back, and made shushing sounds, rocking me until I ran out of tears.
“I know,” he said softly. “Shhh. I know. That was a lot.”
“It’s not just that. I don’t know what to do about Jules,” I cried.
Rhyan brushed my hair behind my ears. “I don’t think anyone knows, not even her. But you saved her, and you can’t forget that—you did that. Okay? That’s enough for tonight. You don’t have to know what to do next. I don’t know if there is anything you can do. Certainly not tonight. Let her rest. She’s away from the Palace, away from the people who hurt her most. They can’t do it anymore. That’s what’s most important.”
I sniffled. “She’s … she’s so different. She feels like a stranger. And I know it’s stupid. Of course, she would be. And I know it’s only been a couple of hours but …”
“Sheisdifferent,” Rhyan said. He spoke like it was fact, like it wasn’t a bad thing. He pressed his forehead to mine. “She was always going to be different. No one can go through what she has and stay the same.”
I shook my head. “I feel like I barely recognize her.”
“Maybe. But from what I’ve seen tonight, the Jules I knew, she’s still in there. Deep down. She’s still Jules, Lyr. She always will be. She’s just a different version. I’m not going to push her to come out. Not for a while. She needs to rest and adjust to her new circumstances. Give her time. I think she’s in shock.”
“She’d been to the inn before. She said she escaped. But all she said when I asked what happened, was that she’d been caught.”
Rhyan sighed. “I imagine she’s still afraid of going back. Afraid of not only that happening, but what they might do to her if she does. I remember feeling the same way when I left Glemaria. Like my father or his men were waiting for me around every corner, like I could go back at any moment, and when I did, it would be worse. She’s already had that happen.” He shook his head sadly. “I can’t even imagine.” He stroked my hair. “I don’t think she’s going to be able to relax for some time. Not until she feels safe. Only then will she start to heal. But she will.”
I swallowed, understanding. “You’re right.”
“Should we go back?” he asked. “I know you don’t want to be separated from your family for too long. Especially now.”
And I knew what else he wanted. He wanted to be reunited with Dario and Aiden. To finally talk and clear the air now that he knew they weren’t against him.
“We should,” I said. “We should also check on everyone else, make sure they’re settled. But,” our eyes met, “can we have one more minute? Just me and you.”
