Rhyan nodded. “And to fulfill my oath. To protect him, to keep him from becoming a bigger monster.”
I held Rhyan to me, and his arms wrapped around my waist. But then he pulled back, like he had to keep talking.He’d kept the secret for too long, and now that he’d started, he had to finish.
“My father threw me in prison after. He wasn’t happy. He wanted me to win. But not like that. What happened in the arena destroyed me, but he was only concerned with the political ramifications. He brought me out the night he wanted me to swear the blood oath. The night he killed my mother. He was going to kill me. But she—she came between us. And then, after I rotted in prison for some time, Kenna showed up. She brought the key, gave it to my escort. To Bowen. He smuggled me out. But he didn’t make it. He died.” He’d been speaking in an almost rushed-trance-like state. But his voice cracked on the name of his old guard. “Just as I reached the border, Dario’s father found me. I was escaping on gryphon-back—one Artem had provided for me. And when we were attacked, the gryphon—” His jaw clenched.
“The gryphon killed Dario’s father?” I asked. “Not you.”
“It makes little difference. Still my fault he’s dead. My fault the others are, too.”
“Rhyan, no. No. Listen to me. None of this is your fault.” I wiped at the tears now falling freely from his eyes. “You didn’t know that any of that would happen. You weren’t trying to hurt anyone. You were just trying to escape, to survive. And you had to make impossible choices.”
“Whatever it is, it’s the reason why … why Dario and Aiden hate me.”
I pushed one of his unruly curls back with my fingers, then traced my palm down his cheek. “I don’t think they do,” I said softly. “I think they’re hurting. I think if they knew … I think they’d understand.” I remembered Kenna’s words, that they loved Rhyan, and that she believed they would work it out. And I believed it too now, especially when I considered those small moments whenDario’s guard had slipped. “I think they’d forgive you. More importantly, I think they want to.”
“I’ve been distant from them. For a long time. Even before everything with Garrett happened. After the solstice that one year, the year we … you know.”
I nodded. “I know.”
He made a low guttural sound in his throat. “Fuck. I was so in love with you that summer. So completely lost. I still feel ill when I think about hurting you. But I don’t regret it. Because I did what I had to—to protect you. When I came home, I thought I’d never see you again, never step another foot in Bamaria. And I was okay with that, or I thought I was, at least. I thought I could stand it. But I was miserable. I missed you. And I was lonely. So fucking lonely. I kept to myself for a year. I wouldn’t court. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want anyone. Only you.” His eyes flashed. “Because it was always, always you. And I didn’t want to talk about it. Not to anyone. But then … well?” He laughed bitterly. “A son of Devon Hart can’t be celibate.” He spoke, mocking the cadence of his father. “People talk. I had no choice. I had to start …courtingagain. So I did. Whoever my father pushed at me. Nobles, visiting dignitaries, their daughters.”
I swallowed, realizing he’d moved on to another confession. A deeper one.
“And with all those nobles, you … you didn’t want to …?” I couldn’t finish. What he was describing sounded a lot like rape. “Not with any of them?”
Rhyan swallowed, quiet for a long moment, his gaze distant, his jaw clenched. “No,” he said at last. “No. I didn’t want to.” His eyes reddened, and his mouth tightened. “I mean, I was never … never overpowered. Nor hurt, not physically. Any single one of them, all of them actually, I could havefought off without breaking a sweat, even when I was bound. Easily. I just … didn’t.” His throat worked. “I didn’t fight back. Didn’t say no.” His voice cracked. “I let it happen. All of it. Because I was numb. Because I thought I had no choice. Because I didn’t care. Until Kenna. Once there was Kenna, it stopped. She saved me.”
My chest hurt, my own tears falling. “Thank the Gods for Kenna, then.”
He sniffled and nodded. “Amalthea was the first one. The worst one. I was … so fucking wasted. And I didn’t—I didn’t want her. Didn’t want to. But …” He shook his head sadly. “After my father’s threats … and … well … I’d found out that day about Jules being taken. And I knew, knew about you and Tristan. I was a wreck.”
“And what about Amalthea?” I asked angrily. I thought of all the times he’d scratched his palm when she was near, the way he’d shut his emotions off around her. The way she pressed herself against him, forcing so much bodily contact. Because it wasn’t foreign to her. “Did she know?” I seethed. “Did she know you didn’t want to?”
Rhyan looked miserable. “I don’t know, Lyr. Maybe. I don’t … can’t really remember. I was so damn drunk.”
“That should have been enough,” I yelled. “When I see her again …” My hands trembled with a rage I hadn’t known I could possess.
“Don’t,” Rhyan said, his voice now soft. “Don’t. She’s not worth it. It’s all over now. No matter what, I’ll never touch her again, and I’ll never let her touch me. I’ll never let another. No matter what my father says.” He shifted on the bed, his face raw with emotion, but there was something else. A lightening to his aura. A sense of having shared some of his burden with me.
I shifted too, our knees touching, our hands clasped.
“Lyriana. Lyr.” He sighed. “It doesn’t matter anymore. Because I’m yours. I was always yours. All of those years went by and I never forgot you. Never went a day without you in my mind, without you being at the forefront of my desires. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you all of this before. I’m sorry you had to find out these things the way you did. I’m sorry if any of it ever hurt you. Or made you question me. Even if only for a moment. I’m sorry I was too afraid to tell you before now. Because I’m with you. Only you. I’ve seen the look in your eyes. The hurt I caused from my own damned cowardice. I’d do anything to take it back. To erase all your pain from the past month. So if you need to mark your territory, do it. Do whatever you want to me.” He sank to the floor, kneeling before me.
“Rhyan?” I asked.
“Take me,” he said, his voice almost desperate. Begging. “Take me for all I am. You want to claim me? Mark me? Do it. Scratch me, scar me. I don’t care. Your touch is the only one I’ve ever wanted. The only one I’ve ever needed. And I’ll take it in any way I can. While we have tonight. While we’re trapped here. Remind me. Remind yourself, after all I told you. After all these secrets, and all we’ve been through. I’m yours. Gods, Lyr. I’m fucking yours. I always have been.”
My heart was swelling with love for Rhyan, and somehow breaking all at once. I knew him. I knew his soul. I kept thinking we’d reached the height of intimacy, of knowing each other. But somehow, I felt even closer to him, now that I knew all of his secrets. And I realized something else with a sudden, burning hunger.
I needed him.
But the desire inside me wasn’t what he was describing.
I rose to my feet, taking his hands in mine, and he stood with me. I expanded my aura, pushing out my warmth, mylove, letting it entwine with the cool soothing nature of his. I could almost feel it, our energies joining and crackling around us. Hot and cold, the sun and the moon, coming together into a perfect combination.
At last, I shook my head. “No. Rhyan.”
His face fell.
