“Okay, then.” This conversation is so . . . Jace, the Jace I’ve come to know. I can barely contain my amusement, and I’m about to tease him until I see his eyes swirling like maple syrup pouring from the bottle, their intensity mesmerizing.
His voice rumbles around me with a throaty timbre, consuming me. “Sometimes, I feel like the forces of this world have ripped things from me when I least expect it, the things that I love. It happened with my sister. It happened with you. But I can’t be afraid of loss and disappointment. Instead, I have to hold on even tighter and pray that that’s enough.”
My heart turns over. “What I hear you saying is that you want your Christmas plans to involve me this year. Am I right?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” His voice is deliciously scratchy, the sound causing me to put more weight against the counter whose job it currently is to hold me up. How he’s getting more attractive by the second is captivating.
“That must be inconvenient for your family.”
“We missed out on spending Christmas together long ago, Starlight. I don’t want to miss out on this one.”
“If we wait any longer, I’ll be asleep by the time dessert arrives!” I hear Gram yell from the dining room, effectively breaking us from the magical moment we’ve been sharing.
I shake my head as Jace laughs. As it escapes from him, the movement causes his head to lean forward, the edges of his hair teasing my cheekbone. I want to wrap my arms around him so he can bury his face in my neck, but the thought is postponed when he straightens. He points to a cake that looks like a snow globe and a plate of cookies, and I nod as he grabs them. I grab a chilled chocolate cream pie, a gift from Angie via Jace.
“We have enough dessert to fill the town. Maybe we should invite the carolers to come inside,” Jace says with a hint of playfulness. I love seeing glimpses of him when he’s more at peace, the real Jace underneath the occasional gruffness.
My mom greets us at the door, her eyes full of love. “I was just about to come after you two!”
“No need,” I reassure her as we bring the desserts to the table, finding our seats again while everyone looks at us knowingly.
“Do we need to sanitize anything, or are we good?” Freddie, loving and obnoxious brother that he is, challenges me with a raised brow.
“We’re fine,” I say with emphasis, though “fine” comes out a little more like how Ross would say it from Friends.
Freddie laughs and digs into the pie. A cheer erupts from my dad and Gram.
Jace gives me a soft smile. He curves his face toward mine, his deep voice greeting my ear. “Hi, Starlight. Missed you.”
I laugh nervously. “We haven’t been apart.”
He shrugs with a grin. “Still miss you.”
Oh my stars, I am so gone on this man.
Gram is busy hacking deeper into the pie and throwing cookies on plates as they pass around the table. Jace grabs his share but passes it to me before taking one for himself. His face lingers so close to mine. I want to feel his warmth, that certain brand of affection I’ve only felt from him. I want to feel the softness of his lips and the brush of his smooth-shaven jaw. I want to nuzzle into his neck and remember how my heart beats to a rhythm that’s only his. As the conversation moves around us, I track it absentmindedly, but my mind is still stuck in the kitchen . . . and the fact that we still haven’t kissed.
“Jace, what happens after New Year’s?” I ask in a sudden whisper.
His hand flexes around the spoon on the table. His posture is almost comical in the tiny, vintage chair, and I’d tease him if not for the seriousness of this moment. “I want to be with you, Starlight, if that’s what you’re asking.”
I bite my lip and focus on the dessert, finding that I’m not hungry for it at all. The thought of Jace still planning to leave, of Emmy no longer being able to grow up in my dance studio, makes me queasy.
“You know, I think we should go sing!” I stand to my feet, Resin following with a worried wag of his tail, my dog sensing the shift in my mood. Freddie is eating pie like he’s in a contest, and my dad is on his fourth cookie. They stare at me, exchanging questioning glances across the table.
“But we haven’t even had our tea,” Gram chides.
I sit back down, feeling like my tights are now too warm and my fingers are too cold.Jace extends his hand, a pained expression on his face, until I thread my fingers through his. I hold him tightly, unsure if I should find his touch comforting or commit it to anxious memory. He’s here. He’s in a place so familiar to me, yet somehow, tonight, I feel the call of loneliness in my soul. Maybe it is possible to miss someone while they’re still next to you. If it was hard to try to move on without him the first time, I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose him and Emmy now.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jace
The clock strike eight.
“Do you mind if I just . . . sit here for a moment?” I hover the majority of my weight just above the bench placed against the wall in Ivy’s dance studio. It’s sitting close to the dance floor but just off to the side.
“As long as you don’t mind the sound of my shoes on the floor while I practice.” She lifts her shoulder a bit, but I see her uncertainty. I feel it across the room. She isn’t sure if she wants me to watch her dance.
