My eyes widen, and my immediate instinct is to defend her good intentions. “Jace, she means well. It’s just—”
“I know she does,” he says softly. There’s reverence in the way his eyes land on my face. “But no one gets to push you to do anything other than what you’re comfortable with.”
I swallow and nod, both relieved and stuck on the idea that he would think I wouldn’t want to kiss him again. Without another word, Jace nods to my friends before turning toward the door. He pulls me along with him. Lily’s slow clap hits my ears, but I avoid eye contact with anyone as we race down the hallway and out the front door of Town Hall.
Jace leads us across the lawn toward a large tree covered in Christmas lights. We’ve reached it before he spins us around,the branches brushing my winter coat. My ears sting as my body registers the temperature difference, but my heart seems to disagree with the chill as it pumps wildly without my permission. Jace pulls a knit headband from his coat pocket, and a miniature candy cane drops to the earth as he extends the headband toward me. Could Jace have anticipated this moment, when we’d somehow be huddled together in the winter wind as I eagerly wonder what he’ll say next?
“In there. Us. This,” he says quietly. “I don’t know how this will affect things. No matter what, I’m going to help you, and you’re going to get those scholarships for the dancers . . .”
My eyes trail to his hand, which holds up the mistletoe, the frailty of the stem bristling from the breeze. My nose stings from the cold, but I refuse to let this moment pass. I nod for him to continue, not daring to interrupt his train of thought with words. We lean toward each other. His hand lifts as if he wants to touch me again. When he hesitates, I try to convey what I want with my eyes. Tentatively, he cradles my face, his other arm wrapping around my waist, pulling me closer. I look up to his whiskey-colored eyes, bright and intense in the cold night. They grow glassier the longer he looks at me. His breath hitches, and he leans forward. I feel the brush of his warm exhale on my face, the hint of the scent I’ve come to associate with him filling my lungs.
My eyes fall on his lips, recalling how they moved twice over mine on the best night of my life. My mouth tingles in expectation. It feels as if we’re impossibly close, and just as I believe he’ll close the distance, Jace shifts his face slightly away. I feel the brush of his skin against mine before I register the pressure of his arms wrapping around me in the warmest hug I’ve ever had. I count to five before he rises to his full height, and his beautiful face leans away.
“I can’t kiss you, not tonight.” His expression is pained, his breathing rapid. Disappointment creeps over me, but of course,we shouldn’t kiss. We’re not there yet. Maybe we’ll never be again. I can’t hold it against him, not after all this time.
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “Though I used to dream about moments like this with you, it’s true.”
“When did those dreams stop?” The tone of his voice is empty. Resigned.
“What?” The question catches me so off guard that I step back. For a moment, we’re back at Four Leaf Cookies, and he’s asking me questions that reach my soul and not just my mind. The truth tumbles out. “They didn’t.”
Tightly, his eyes close, a long exhale filling the air between us. When they reopen, his gaze is molten. “Ivy, you’ve been more than a dream to me. Never doubt it.”
And with that, he wraps his strong arms around me again and pulls me close. My head rests on his chest, one of my ears near the slight opening in his coat. I feel the warmth of his body and the faint sound of his heart beating rapidly. The truth that we’re both still affected by each other in this way makes me grin.
“Why are you smiling?” he asks, feeling the expression move my face.
I tilt my chin so I can examine his face, and he raises his head at the same time to meet my gaze. “Because . . . your heartbeat matches mine. I could choreograph something great from this rhythm.”
He lets out a chuckle. “Starlight,” he says tenderly, “I don’t know how to stay grounded anymore; I’ve been an emotional nomad for so long. We still don’t know so much about each other.”
My legs sway at the instant effect of the nickname only he has ever given me. My head sinks forward, and I nod into his coat, willing him to let me in a little more.
Jace continues, “I’ve been a broken man for a long time. And you don’t know the half of it.”
Wrapping my arms around him, I close my eyes, the truth hitting me with full force. Love is an investment, and it’s going to require risking my heart. Somehow, that gives me hope. “Yeah, well, maybe I can help you with that. We’ll let Birch Borough work its magic.”
Gripping the lapels of his jacket, I wish again that I could kiss him. But Jace needs more than my affection. He needs community and to be reminded that Christmas isn’t ruined, even when it holds both pain and joy.
It feels as if a light has flickered on between us, embers of rekindled fire warming our skin. Maybe the thing that cracked between us long ago is beginning to heal.
“I never thought I’d hear your voice again. Never thought I’d feel you in my arms.”
“Neither did I,” I confess.
“I leave before Christmas,” Jace says into my hair. “But after tonight, I know there’s still something here. And I’m going to help you build your sets, not just for Emmy but for you. I’ve just been stuck in my head and don’t know how to get out.”
I peek up at him, his amber eyes my lighthouse. “I won’t pressure you with expectations. Just knowing the truth is enough.” He doesn’t need to know. Truthfully, I’ll be dreaming of kissing him for the rest of the season, but his wholeness is most important to me. If it’s only as friends or only in hope, I’ll hold on to Jace however I can.
His gaze becomes distant, like he’s slipping away while still standing in front of me. I want to hold him with everything I can. He runs a hand through my hair, and I could cry at how good it feels. Leaning my head against his chest, the pulsing rhythm of his heartbeat radiates from it, a sound I won’t forget.
“I promise you this, Starlight,” Jace says with certainty. “No matter what happens in this life, you will always change my heartbeat.”
Chapter Eleven
Jace
My hands sting, but I ignore the pain.
