"Just that other men have seen me naked and now I'm spoiled goods."
"No." He snaps the word, seemingly angry at my assumption. "It's not that. What you did doesn't bother me."
"Then what?" I study him in the dark, scared that if I blink, I might miss some cue that helps explain this for me.
"All I've ever wanted is you, Kyra," he says on a sigh. "But I never stopped to think about whether you might want me."
I push up onto one arm to stare down at his face. "I just said I did, didn't I?"
"Allof me," he says, peeking at me before he looks away again. "And I don't mean the Kings of Anarchy shit."
"Are you talking about your father? Because I know he's an asshole." I drop a bitter laugh. "Newsflash. Mine is too. I know how to handle that."
"Valid point," he cedes, "But no, not my father."
"Then what? What is there about you that you think I can't handle?"
He rolls his head toward me, looking at me as though I'm the most precious thing he's seen, admiration soon turning to pain before he jerks upright to sit on the side of the bed, facing away. "Fuck, Kyra. Can we just have tonight?"
"There's not much having going on," I sass.
He sighs, hands gripping the edge of the bed harder. "You won't want me once you know, and I really want one night where I can pretend everything's okay before you leave."
What the hell is he talking about?I crawl across the bed to kneel behind him and wrap my arms around his shoulders. He lets out a long, heavy breath, eventually bringing a hand up to rest on my forearm.
"I saw the consequences of crossing the Kings of Anarchy today," I softly remind him. "And it didn't scare me away knowing that you might one day do the same, and probably already have."
He sighs.
"Nothing about you has ever made me want to look away," I say quietly, nestling my head beside his. "It never put me off that your family was part of this club. It never put me off that you skipped school more than you attended. That you didn't go to church as my family does. Or that you swore, smoked, and drank before the legal age. You broke so many rules and conventions, Matthew, and I never once cared, because all of it? It was superficial," I say, placing a kiss on his neck. "It wasn't the man beneath the mask. It wasn'tyou."
He exhales heavily, turning his head away from my affection. "That guy beneath the maskisthe problem, Kyra."
"How?" I press, squeezing him tighter. "Talk to me."
His fingers trace my bare arm, gently following the curves and dips. He repeats the motion for a solid minute, back and forth, mapping my skin, before he takes me by the hand and tugs, coaxing me in front of him. I gently step off the bed and stand before him. Jinx. Matthew. Both of them. This wholesome conundrum begging to be loved, yet vehemently denying it when offered.
Eyes on mine, he sets his warm palms to the outside of my thighs and sweeps upward, beneath the hem of his T-shirt. He pauses at my hips, brow furrowing slightly as his thumbs trace higher, searching.
"I don't have anything on underneath," I confirm.
He audibly exhales through lightly pursed lips. "You weren't messing around, were you?"
"Still aren't."
I step forward, placing my legs on either side of his, and slide onto his lap using my hands around his neck to steady myself. Jinx shifts his hands to my waist, his head dipped as he looks at the places where we touch, fingers tugging gently to lift the T-shirt to the absolute limit before he bares me to him.
It's been so long since I've had sex with anyone. That has to be the reason for my body's overreaction. Surely. Nobody has ever made me squirm from the promise of a touch. I've never felt this desperate, out of control, fucking rabid with the need to see this through.
Ever.
His gaze lifts to meet mine, and I lean forward to crush my mouth to his. I don't give a fuck what he said. He wants this as much as I do, so why not indulge? Why keep me at arm's length? He grasps my face in his hands, urging me with his lips to slow down, take it gentle, and relish our connection. I let Jinx take the lead, but only because I want him to give in to whathewants, not push through discomfort purely to please me.
I break away to catch my breath and place my forehead to his, those strong hands still cupping my jaw as he shuffles his legs to balance me better.
"What you say makes no sense when you kiss me like that."
He swallows hard. "It will soon enough."
