Uncle Fergus lit up a cigar, smoke curling into the frosty air. ‘Best part of Christmas, the holidays,’ he drawled, swaying slightly. ‘Getting a little mulled cider in the hut after tramping around in the cold!’
Aunt Clementine snorted and pulled her scarf tighter. ‘Speak for yourself,’ she muttered.
Jeannie stopped short in front of a pleasant-enough-looking fir and crossed her arms. ‘This is hopeless.’
Fergus staggered in her wake, tossing his barely smoked cigar butt into the snow. ‘Let’s get a drink,’ he said as he changed course in the direction of the wooden huts.
‘I’ll find you a tree, Mother!’ Tristan yelled as he raced ahead, determined to be the victor. The poor thing was soldiering on with his bandaged ear– which he dutifully only mentioned every hour or so. Miles had told me that once the nurse had cleaned the blood away, only the tiniest slither of ear was missing– he said you could barely notice it. The doctor did say, however, that Tristan might have permanently lost his hearing on that side. Which unfortunately for the rest of us meant that his obnoxious voice was louder than ever before.
Tristan had already got his story lined up for the guys at work; a dud cartridge that went off that could’ve killed him. I couldn’t help myself when I chipped in, ‘To be honest, Tristan, no story is better than your wife shooting you at point-blank range– I’d have gone with that one.’ It earned a few disgusted looks from the family, despite my protestations that it was just a joke.
Mimi had hitched a ride with us, and she and Tristan were avoiding each other like the plague. According to Aunt Clem, he was still adamant that she had intended to kill him. But if shehadintended to kill him, would she just casually shoot him in front of his entire family? Perhaps she just wanted to hurt him a little? Perhaps she just lost it for a second, thinking of all that sweet cash fluttering away with his cheating conniving little antics? Either way, I couldn’t entirely blame her; if Tristan was my husband I’d want to blow his head off, too. There was one thing I knew for certain; I would now forever be looking over my shoulder whenever Mimi was around.
I thought about how angry she had seemed when we spoke in the pool room, mentioning infidelity and how she would get nothing if he were to leave her. Perhaps she thought she had nothing to lose? Perhaps when he called her a ‘standard half-breed’ she lost it? Or maybe her arms were just super weak? But that’s a crazy idea because I could have sworn she said she did Pilates. Perhaps it was a warning shot, like, ‘call me a half-breed again and I’ll blow your brains out’? Because, let’s be honest, it’s pretty hard to miss someone with a shotgun at that range. If she’d really intended to kill him it would have been easy, even for a novice. Just imagine if she’d shot him… We’d have been finding bits of his brain in crevices we didn’t even know we had.
We walked two by two down the rows of firs. We had seen them all twice over and still none had made the cut.
‘So, Martha,’ said Fergus, dangerously swaying into her. ‘Have you got a boyfriend?’
I did a sharp intake of breath.Here we go.
‘I have a girlfriend, actually,’ Martha said, her voice carrying across the whole line. I saw Jeannie momentarily stop in her tracks, before giving her head a little shake. I gritted my teeth at her back. The problem wasn’t Martha telling them about her sexuality. Miles and I were truly happy with whatever the children did; if they were happy, we were happy. No, the issue was my reaction to the family’s reaction. That was the headache I was truly trying to avoid. I was always on high alert when it came to the kids, watching and waiting as the cortisol rushed through my veins at the notion of any of them disrespecting my children.
I looked just in time to see Tristan nudging Beebee as he said something that made her snicker conspiratorially.
Beebee made a joke that I didn’t catch, causing Tristan to guffaw.
Ceecee followed behind them, her comment loud enough to float to my ears. ‘No surprises there, have you seen her shoes?’ The three of them laughed as my nails bit into my palms and I clenched my jaw so tightly, I thought I might crack a tooth.
Fergus gawped at her like she had a scorpion on her shoulder. ‘Girlfriend?’ he spluttered.
‘Yep, her name’s Sarah. You’d love her, she’s fit AF,’ Martha answered, her grin stretching from ear to ear. She pulled her phone out to show him her screensaver. ‘But no letching, Uncle Fergus, she’s mine.’ He spluttered in offence. Well, I consoled myself, at least their reactions made her smile. And at least Toots was in the tea room so couldn’t say anything about it. Small mercies.
The twins broke away to scout for the perfect place to film a TikTok dance. Callum went off to the farmers’ shop, while Martha went to look at the potted plants, her goofy smile still stuck firmly across her face. Miles headed off to see if he could find signal anywhere to send an email.
I heard Tristan asking a staff member where he could find the twelve-footers, and a young man explaining that none of the pre-cut ones were that tall. He’d have to walk further on to the planted trees and call someone over to cut it down for him.
Snow began falling steadily, to the sounds of ‘ooohs’ and ‘ahhhhs’ from other families. It was an almost picture-perfect scene– picking Christmas trees in the snow.
Already cold and muddy, the remainder of the group split; some going to the farm shop, others going for a toilet break, all deciding that we would meet back up in half an hour in the wooden barn where the outlandishly priced sandwiches, dry cakes and mulled wine were being served.
After a wander around the stalls that were selling fresh garlands and wreaths, I spotted some discounted spring bulbs. I perused the packets, wondering whether irises and daffodils would grow in Australia’s climate, before I remembered there was no way I’d be allowed to take them. Such a shame, they would have been a lovely reminder of England… I shrugged and bought them anyway. Perhaps I could give them to Jeannie.
After moseying around, I headed inside the barn, where the warmth from the overhead heaters and the scent of cinnamon and pine needles mingling with the aroma of bitter coffee grounds made a welcome relief. With no tables large enough to accommodate our group, I decided to get a few drinks while I waited for the others.
Standing in line, I heard Aunt Clem’s shrill voicesomewherein the crowd, admonishing Fergus to go to the bathroom and splash some cold water on his face. I saw her then make her way over to Jeannie.
I wondered if Fergus’s increased consumption of alcohol was due to the news that Tristan was to become executor of the will. Tristan and Mimi wouldn’t be parted with a dime of their inheritance– especially not to Fergus and Clementine, whom they deemed to be money-grabbing scroungers. The irony.
I paid for the eye-wateringly expensive drinks and reluctantly headed over to where Jeannie and Clem were standing, unable to spot anyone else in the family. I clutched the rims of four plastic cups between my hands while the heated fumes from the mulled wine singed my fingers, and stopped behind them, resting the cups on an upturned barrel. Neither of them noticed me: a running theme, it seemed. Again, they were too absorbed in whatever they were gossiping about.
I hung back for a moment, waving my hands to cool them, when I heard Jeannie’s angry protestations.
‘I’vetoldyou, it is a vile, vicious rumour, Clementine, and if I hear you breathe one word of it toanyone, I will be forced to tell Toots what you did with her money. Do you understand me?’
‘I haven’t breathed a word!’ Clem’s voice was shriller than ever. ‘But it’s hardly a secret, everyone’s heard about it…’
‘There has never been any infidelity, nor will there ever be. I raised my sons as gentlemen.’
