Sabrina stared at the blinking cursor. Was Lorenzo a friend? Acquaintance? She altered the sentence.
As it was recently explained to me, it’s important to take the time to figure out the future and let events unfold in their own time. And that is exactly what I plan to do. I need to “go with the flow.”
Love you all to bits,
Brina
Sabrina quickly proofed her message and clicked “Send.” Her fingers hovered over the “Compose” button. Should she send her mother a message?
I could take the high road and make first contact with Mom, but I know that one way or another, we’ll end up inevitably disagreeing with one another over some petty detail. She’ll accuse me of running away from my problems. But I didn’t run away. Did I?
For the better part of half an hour, Sabrina replayed the ugly voicemail her mom had left her in her head. The phrases “childish tantrum” and “ashamed” resounded, reopening raw and still tender emotional wounds.
Mom really struck me below the belt. It was as if I were on trial. Who’s the adult? Me? Or Mom? Why is it always me who’s at the receiving end of her anger? Is it that I have never been able to achieve the expectations she sets for me?
She clenched her fists. She lay back onto the pillow, replaced her phone on the bedside stand, and closed her eyes.
I’m still too angry to be able to speak to Mom rationally. Maybe as more time passes, I’ll be able to grow and become the bigger person. But for now, I’m not ready yet.
Sabrina knew deep down that any sort of reconciliation would have to be initiated by her. Eventually, her breathing evened out and, at long last, she was able to sleep for a few more hours before her Friday kayaking adventure.
* * *
Sabrina puffed her cheeks out. She stroked left, then right, left, right, still struggling to smoothly maneuver her kayak and keep pace with the rest of the participants on the morning’s excursion. Try as she might, her torso and the long rubbery paddle refused to work together as a single unit.
“Looking better, Sabrina! You’re nearly there,” the instructor called out as she crookedly pulled the boat in line with the five other men and women, just shy of the area where the waves heading toward the shore began to form.
Perspiration rolled down her brow. She placed the paddle across her lap, shaking out her incredibly sore and tender arm muscles.
“Each and every one of you has done wonderfully today.” The instructor led the group in a round of applause. “We’re just about ready to return to the shore.” The group let out a series of collective disappointed groans.
“I know, I’ve enjoyed spending the day with you all, too, but all good things must eventually come to an end. If you’ve enjoyed today, we do offer discounted kayak rentals.” He chatted on about other offerings and excursions they might be interested in booking.
Sabrina was uncertain if she’d ever have the courage to venture out on the sea by herself without a guide. She was not a natural when it came to sports and other physical activities.
The instructor clapped his hands together. Sabrina’s attention returned to him. “?.?.?. Does everyone feel up to a little challenge?”
“Yes!” everyone save Sabrina belted out enthusiastically. Her mouth opened and closed without a sound escaping.
“Brava! We’ll return to the beach a little bit differently than how our day began. I believe you are all ready to try tackling some wave kayaking.”
Sabrina cringed.
“Wave kayaking is very similar to surfing. It’s all about staying calm and keeping your boat pointed toward the shore. Done correctly, the surf will push you in. There is very little work actually involved.” The instructor held up his paddle.
“Use this as a rudder to steer and propel yourself in the direction you need to go. You will paddle backward, slowly. If you find yourselves stuck, then and only then should you pick up the rowing speed. When you reach the shallow water, jump out of the kayak and walk it into shore. Are there any questions?”
Yes! I have a million questions.
Everyone stayed silent.
“All right. I’ll go in first and you can all follow me. There are staff members on the beach to assist you if you run into any problems. Just stay calm. Here we go!”
Their instructor turned his boat into the wave. Sabrina stared as she watched him maneuver the paddle in a windmill motion, cutting gracefully across the water.
He makes it look like he is using the paddle to spread a thin layer of icing over a cake.
The other members on the kayaking tour waited thirty seconds, then took off. Sabrina floated alone in the surf. Her breath quickened as she gave herself a pep talk.
