“Me too,” she smiles up at me, squeezing my arm before letting me go. The Christmas music crooning through the building gets louder as she waltzes away. She’s inspecting each mold with severe concentration, and I’m watching her with the sudden awareness that she’s rarely said what I hoped she would. Maybe this is it, and maybe I was just a tool for helping her heal. She has definitely helped me to heal parts of myself I didn’t know needed it.
If, when it’s all said and done, we walk away from each other refreshed enough to make it to another Christmas, even if we do it without each other — I’d be satisfied all the same. I’d be grateful to have crossed paths with her, to admire all her unique corners and edges, to witness her imperfections and find her beautiful anyway. Having her, even for this short while, really was like catching a snowflake. But everyone knows snowflakes don’t last. You hold them close until the heat of your palm melts them away, and you’re left in awe of this swift, perfect miracle. And maybe that’s what this was. Maybe I came here by chance, or maybe there is some divine law that orders our steps in the way we need to go, always leading us to the thing we need the most. Perhaps the universe somehow knew that I needed to melt a snowflake.
Krystal
“Merry Christmas Eve,” I sigh, throwing my leg over Nick’s body as we lie tangled under the sheets. The sun is bright, but has no warmth as it streams through the window of my room. He didn’t leave me to go photograph the morning today, and a tiny bud of hope blooms in my heart that maybe he wants as much of me as he can get before we both have to say goodbye.
“Merry Christmas Eve, Snowflake,” he says, kissing the tip of my nose before stretching his long limbs.
It didn’t feel right, bringing it up yesterday. It was the anniversary of his son’s death, and the last thing I was going to ask him was, “So, what are we?” My heart thunders behind my ribcage as I work up the courage to start that conversation now, but before I open my mouth, he swings his legs off the side of the bed and heads to the bathroom.
I roll onto my back, spreading my limbs out as I stare at the ceiling.
Maybe he expected this to end.
Maybe hewantsit to.
Doom spreads through my gut as I run through the scenario where I ask him what happens next, and he looks at me withconfusion knitting his brows together, and a frown on his lips. The toilet flushes, the water runs — stops…runs again.
My heart continues to pound as if it wants to beat its way out of my chest. Maybe I should let him forge the conversation. Maybe this doesn’t have to be a thing.
The smell of Mary’s amazing cooking fills the whole cabin, and while we should be used to it by now, I can almost taste the items that haven’t been on the menu up until now. Nick rests his hand on my hip, a gesture I’ll miss after we go our separate ways. He places a gentle kiss on my cheek. “I should go pack my things,” he says.
There’s a moment of stillness as he hovers, as if he’s waiting for me to say something or maybe he’s contemplating saying something himself. But just as I’m about to speak, he leaves, winking at me as I watch him exit the room.
I push a steadying breath through my lips as I continue to apply my makeup, then take a few minutes to make sure all my things are packed as well. My small suitcase stands solitary by the door. The bed is made, everything reset. It’s like we were never here.
Sadness fills my chest and spreads through my body. It’s not just Nick I’ll miss. I think about flying back to New York, back to my lonely apartment. Tears burn the corner of my eyes, and I look at the ceiling to stop them from falling. I knew this was coming, I should have prepared myself better.
My phone buzzes with a notification.
Rae: Let me know what time to get you from the airport
I sigh, resting against the edge of the dresser as I type several responses before deleting them all. I’ll just reply when I’m at the airport, when I’ve accepted that this is really over.
In the living area, everyone is surrounded by the Christmas tree. “What’s going on?” I ask Kendra.
“There are ornaments for us on the tree; we’re supposed to find the one with our names on it. A gift from Gayle and Jiraiya,” she explains.
My chest warms. The Emersons deserve all the success in the world. The care and intention put into every second of this trip were far beyond anything I could have imagined. When it’s my turn, I spot the icy, blue ornament with my name tagged on it. “Wow,” I gasp, twirling it to catch the light. The indentation reads, “Christmas is Better in Crescent Bay.” A watery smile spreads across my lips as I turn to show Kendra my gift, but my gaze collides with Nick’s instead.
“Look,” I say, holding it up for him to see.
“There’s another one for you,” he nods to the tree.
“What?”
He smirks, “It doesn’t have your name on it, but you’ll know it when you see it.”
I wrinkle my nose, trying to suppress the grin I know is breaking through anyway. After scanning the tree for a minute, I spot it. Tied with a tiny piece of gold string, the tape hangs from a skinny branch. It reads,To: Snowflake From: Santa.
I throw my head back with laughter, snatching the tape from the tree and holding it close to my chest. “Oh my God?” I mouth to him. His smile is devious, but still dripping with the boyish charm I’ve come to love.
Love.
The word echoes in my mind…in my heart.
But it isn’t really love I feel for him, right? It can’t be. It feels like it, but…no. It’s too fast, too soon, we barely know each other,and there’s a possibility that in a few hours, we will never see each other ever again.
