She sucks in a breath. “Oh my God,” she says, squeezing my arm with her free hand. “I’m sorry.”
It’s my turn to choose my fixings. I shrug, drizzling my bread of choice with some honey. “You didn’t know, and it’s not something I go around telling people. But yeah, Krystal, I know what it’s like to be left.”
Silence stretches between us as we make our way through the extensive spread. When we get back to our seats, I wonder what’s on her mind. I hope she doesn’t think I feel offended about her reaction earlier. Instead of asking, though, I return to our initial conversation. “So, finding out Helen got remarried after her divorce makes you want to make the most of the trip?” I inquire.
She pops a grape into her mouth, her brows jumping and her eyes gleaming with the opportunity for gossip. The energy shifts to the playfulness I’m becoming used to with her. “Not quite,” she hums. “It was the way she was so nonchalant about it. Like, her old man left her so she just went and got a new one. She said, ‘Time doesn’t stop passing because you refuse to move on’ and…I don’t know, it really hit me. I know I’m entitled to feel the way I feel, but I can choose to feel something…different,” she explains.
Helen’s advice echoes through my brain and settles at the bottom of my heart.
“So, I’m choosing to enjoy Christmas this year,” she announces, her shoulders square and confidence lining the strength of her jaw.
For the first time since he passed away, I feel the desire to make Christmas something other than missing Juno, something different, too.
“What if,” I pause, searching her eyes for any signs that she’s about to think what I have to say is complete bullshit. When I find nothing but the quiet glimmers of anticipation, my pulse jitters and my palms become slick. “What if we, maybe, tried doing that together?”
She chokes on her rum, dabbing the corners of her mouth as she looks at her half-eaten plate, then back at me.
“I just…I can’t be stuck with any of them again.” I lie, hooking my thumb over my shoulder to the rest of the group.
“Wait, what?” She leans forward, amusement replacing the alarm that flooded her expression just a second before.
“Tonight, I’m pretty sure they decided to split up because I told Alex I was here alone,” I say, lowering my volume so I don’t end up summoning the basket case.
Krystal’s nose scrunches, that adorable snort of a laugh falling past her full lips. “Wait, that’s kind of adorable.”
“It’sinsufferable,” I press, leaning forward. “If we stick together, they won’t feel the need to do that anymore.”
Her throat bobs with a swallow, her eyes squint as she regards me, and I would do anything to know what’s running through her mind.
“It’s just twelve days,” she mumbles as if she’s talking to herself. I straighten, waiting for the rejection I’m almost sure is about to come next.
“Deal,” she says, extending her hand for me to shake.
My face brightens with surprise, and I take her long, skinny fingers in my hand and pull them to my lips, kissing the top of her knuckles.
“I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”
“My mother says a promise is a comfort to a fool,” she replies, not even needing to take a breath. My grin grows bright and wide.
“Well,” I respond, “maybe this promise shouldn’t be a comfort. Maybe it should be…invigorating.”
Her eyes widen, sparkling with what I hope is anticipation. She huffs a laugh. “Invigorating? What exactly do you promise to do with me?”
I know the question is innocent, and there’s a part of me that just wants to be around her for the time being. Even if all we do is make fun of each other and flirt occasionally, enjoying being in her presence and being satisfied with this holiday becoming the first of many not filled with cynicism, would be more than enough.
There’s another part of me, however, that wants to answer her question with a list of all the things I’d be more than happy to do to her if she were a willing participant.
“I think it would ruin the fun if I told you,” I say, matching the dangerous undertone she so bravely laced the conversation with.
Her lids lower just a bit, she nibbles on her juicy lower lip, and my core stirs with heat that simmers at the base of my spine and travels to the bottom of my groin.
Her fingers wrap around her glass, the melting ice sounding like jingle bells. “To making this Christmas different than the rest.” She raises her glass ceremoniously.
I raise my own, tapping it gently to hers before knocking it against the table and tossing the remains of my drink back. When I find her eyes again, they shimmer. My heartbeat quickens, and my mouth goes dry with the desire to kiss her. She’s already made this trip one I’ll always remember. I can only hope to impact her half as much as I know she’ll leave her mark on me.
Krystal
DO NOT ANSWER keeps calling me. I should have blocked his number, and I hadn’t because there was a pathetic part of me that hoped he’d call shortly after we broke up. He never did. His contact has been sitting in my phone, untouched, and not heard from for the past two years…until this morning.
