“Because he won’t.”
“Why?”
“Because he thinks he doesn’t deserve it. Deserve you. Deserve love.” Logan tilts his head. “He thinks you’re precious, innocent, and he’ll taint you with his ugly.”
“He wants to talk to me, then he can. You don’t have to play interference.”
Logan smiles sadly. “If you want him, you’ll have to make the move. He won’t. He can’t. It’s against his principles to drag you into his darkness. Even if you already live there with him.”
I swallow hard, my chest tight.
“He’s not dragging me anywhere,” I whisper. “I’m walking…away.”
Logan’s eyes soften. “Please don’t walk away; walk to him.”
He means it. Even though he knows Lucian is a killer, he knows his brother lives by a code.
Lucian is a mass of contradictions. Cold hands, warm heart, Silent mouth, screaming loyalty. A weapon forged for death, whosomehow still believes in protecting life. Broken and brutal, but more honorable than men who wear white hats and polished smiles.
I press a hand to my temple, trying to hold everything in.
He turns to leave.
“Logan,” I say before he goes.
He pauses.
“Did he ever—did Lucian ever…feel anything before me?”
Have there been others? Women he loved? Women he lost?
“No. You’re the first and you’ll be the only.”
Tears roll down my cheeks.
Logan groans. “Ah fuck. He’s going to kill me.”
He draws me into his arms, and I sob softly, clutching his shirt. He soothes me, stroking my back, whispering that it’s all going to be okay.
I don’t believe him.
18
SPIRALING
LUCIAN
I’ve killed men for less than what I’m feeling now.
The fucker put his hands on her.
Since she left me, I’ve been restless, hollow.
I watch as her shadow moves inside the shelter. I see her at home. Lights on late. I follow her and see the exhausted curve of her spine. I can’t hear her voice anymore—Logan, the fucker, deactivated the devices I left in the shelter.
So, I only get the shape of her. That should be enough. It’s safer this way. But it’s not. It’s killing me.
She won’t look at the window anymore. Won’t look toward the street. But she knows I’m there. And she’s choosing not to care.
