He grinned, the corners of his eyes crinkling. ‘Okay, that was pretty hot,’ he said, and a shiver ran through me. ‘I’d quite like to do it again next week if you’ll let me.’
‘I think that can be arranged,’ I said.
I wasn’t sure whether to ask him in. It wouldn’t be fair to subject him to Rachel’s scrutiny just yet, but I didn’t want him to think I didn’t want to either. He made it easy for me in the end, by taking a step away.
‘I’d better be off now. I need to get back for the babysitter.’ His hand left mine and it felt cold suddenly. ‘Night, Emma, thank you for a really lovely evening. See you at the school gates.’
‘Night, Oliver.’
Then I turned and let myself into the house.
‘Did you kiss him?’
Rachel was in the living room doorway almost the instant I closed the door.
I grinned. ‘I might have done.’
‘Yes!’ she said, in a half-whisper so as not to wake up Flynn. ‘Come in and tell me everything.’
I slipped my shoes off and followed her into the living room. I suddenly felt bone-tired, all the earlier nerves and excitement drained out of me, and I flopped onto the sofa and tipped my head back.
‘Come on, out with it.’
I lifted my head and peered at my friend. ‘It was lovely, he was lovely, it was a lovely night.’
‘And?’
‘And we’re going out again next week.’
Rachel rubbed her hands together in glee. ‘Oh, Em, I’m so pleased for you. I really hoped you might find someone sooner or later.’
I screwed my face up. ‘This doesn’t mean I’m not going to look for Nick though, when the time comes. You know that, right?’
‘But what if you properly fall in love with him? Oliver, I mean?’
I shook my head. ‘I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair.’
Rachel scowled. ‘So, what? You’re going to let a chance of happiness slip away on the off-chance that you might have saved Nick’s life, and that even if you did, he’ll want to know you?’
‘I don’t have any choice,’ I said simply, crossing my legs and leaning my elbows on my knees. ‘Nick is Flynn’s dad, and if I have any chance at all to give Flynn his daddy then I’ll take it.’
‘Even if it means missing out on happiness?’
I fixed her with a look as a heavy feeling settled in my chest. ‘It’s not just for Flynn that I want Nick to still be alive, it’s for me too. Yes, Oliver is lovely and if things were different I’d be feeling excited about the possibility that this could go somewhere. But Nick was…’ I trailed off, trying to find the words to describe how things had felt between me and Nick, even though I’d never been able to before. ‘It was as though there was an invisible bond between us, a current that ran from me to him and back again.’
‘That sounds more like a circuit board than love.’
I shook my head. ‘It’s impossible to describe, but you just have to trust me.’
‘And you’re sure that wasn’t just the weird time-slip thing? You’re sure that the feelings between you were more than just an electrical pulse, or a tear in the passage of time? I mean, there’s all sorts of physics going on there that neither of us understand.’
I shrugged. ‘As sure as I can be. And even if I’m wrong, all he ever wanted was to be a dad. I have to at least try to find him and let him know that he is, even if he doesn’t ever want to speak to me again.’
‘And until then?’
‘Until then I’ll find it hard to let anyone else in.’
28
