‘Aren’t you going to say anything?’ I said.
‘I…’ She shook her head. ‘I honestly don’t know what to say.’
‘Congratulations might be a start?’ I was beginning to feel a bit irritated, and it came out snarkier than I’d intended.
Suddenly Rachel stood, the stool she was sitting on scraping back loudly across the kitchen tiles, and threw her arms around me.
‘Jesus Christ, Emma, I’m so sorry,’ she said, squeezing me so tightly it was hard to breathe. She pulled away, tears shining in her eyes. ‘Ofcoursethat’s what I should have said straight away. I’m a complete twat.’
‘You are, but I forgive you,’ I said.
She sat back down and rested her chin in her hand, studying me.
‘I just… I mean, I’m thrilled for you, obviously. But what the actualhell, Em. Could you have made things any more complicated for yourself?’
‘I know.’
I’d left it for three more days but I’d finally got round to telling Rachel about the baby. It was hardly any surprise she’d reacted this way. It was a lot to take in.
‘So how do you feel about it?’ She nodded at my belly.
‘I’m absolutely terrified.’
‘If you’re worried about doing this alone, don’t be,’ she said. ‘You know Iain and I will always be there for you. In fact, you won’t be able to get rid of us.’
‘I know, thank you,’ I said. ‘But it’s not just that.’
‘Go on.’
I swallowed, unsure how to say the words out loud. ‘What if…’ I started. ‘What if there’s something wrong with this baby because…’
‘Because its dad died thirteen years ago…’ Rachel finished.
‘That’s exactly it.’
Rachel took a sip of her coffee, thinking. ‘But surely if this baby wasn’t meant to be, then it simply wouldn’t exist. Surely the sheer fact that you conceived in the first place means that it will be fine.’
‘Will you come with me, for the scan? Just in case.’
‘Try stopping me,’ she said, smiling.
‘Thank you.’ I sighed. ‘I just wish I could tell Nick.’
‘I know.’ She gasped. ‘Oh! Do you know whether he found your note?’
I shook my head. ‘I haven’t dared check.’
‘What? Why?’
I shrugged. ‘I was… I’m trying to give it long enough.’
Rachel folded her arms across her chest and gave me a stern look. ‘I think three weeks is plenty of time, don’t you?’
I nodded. ‘I know. But even if it’s gone, how am I supposed to know whether it slipped through time and was taken by him and not just by someone passing through? I mean, it’s a pretty long shot.’
‘You’ll never know that. But we should go and at least see if it’s still there or not.’ She stood. ‘Come on.’
My eyes widened. ‘What, now?’
