‘Would you stop seeing him, if I begged you?’ Greg’s voice was small, all the anger drained away.
‘I don’t know.’
He stared at me for a moment, as though trying to read my mind. Then he gave a nod and stalked out of the room, leaving me standing there, alone.
26
THEN
Velvet Underground: ‘Venus in Furs’
‘Pleeeeease Mum,’ Erin begged.
‘Your nagging will be the death of me young lady,’ Penny said, sighing. But Erin knew that meant she was going to give in and she clapped her hands with glee.
Erin had been desperate to watch her parents’ wedding video ever since she’d heard them talking about it a few days before. She’d always coveted the wedding photo on the mantelpiece and had tried to picture them on the day – where they were, how they sounded, who was there. But now she could see it for real and she couldn’t wait.
Erin snuggled into her favourite armchair and waited while her mum loaded the video, then watched as the images formed on the screen. She smiled as her mum swam into focus, impossibly young and beautiful, her blonde curls pinned up, tendrils tumbling round her face. Confetti rained down around her.
‘You look like an angel,’ Erin whispered.
‘She really did.’ It was her dad’s voice and she looked round to find him wrapping her mum in a hug and kissing her cheek. Penny smiled at him, then they both looked back at the screen, where their former selves were emerging from the church, the wind whipping Penny’s veil, Michael looking handsome and serious in his dark suit. They both seemed so carefree, and Erin could hardly believe this was only ten years ago.
‘Where did you find this?’ Michael said, a smile tugging at his lips.
‘It was in the cupboard under the TV,’ Penny said. ‘Erin begged to watch it so I gave in.’
‘I’m glad you did,’ Michael said, and the three of them watched as the youthful Penny and Michael waved at their guests, then disappeared down the road in a car. The screen went dark, then the video switched to a different venue – this time the wedding reception. The newlyweds took to the dancefloor, the clunk of the guitar, the low, intoned vocals and the pitter patter rhythm of ‘Venus in Furs’ by The Velvet Underground accompanying them as they swayed together, their first dance.
‘This was your dad’s choice.’ Penny laughed, as young Michael spun his bride around on the screen. ‘I wanted “When Doves Cry”.’
Michael held his arms out. ‘Dance with me now?’ he said. Penny looked uncertain, but finally relented, taking his hand and stepping in front of the TV. Erin watched as the real- life Penny and Michael swayed and twirled along with their decade-younger selves, and she saw the unmistakeable look of infatuation in her dad’s eyes, both then and now. And she saw how her mum responded, giving him everything he needed.
As the song ended and her parents moved apart, she knew without a doubt that that was what she wanted. For someone to look at her with as much love in their eyes as her dad did when he looked at her mum.
What girl wouldn’t want that?
27
NOW
The Offspring: ‘Bad Habit’
I knew something was wrong the second I got back from work. Greg’s car wasn’t on the drive, so I assumed he was out but when I stepped into the semi-darkness of the hallway, lit only by the small lamp filtering through from the living room, he was standing there, waiting for me. Music played too loudly in the background and I recognised the heavy, rapid-fire drumbeat as ‘Bad Habit’ by The Offspring, one of Greg’s favourite songs.
‘Greg?’ He stared at me with hollow eyes as I placed my bag down and slipped off my coat, but he didn’t say a word.
‘Greg?’ I repeated loudly over the music, taking a step towards him. He didn’t move away but I saw his body stiffen and I stopped before I reached him, feeling my own body react.
‘Greg, has something happened?’ I glanced over my shoulder towards the front door. ‘Where’s your car?’ I was shouting now and I stepped briefly into the living room and turned the volume right down until you could hear nothing but a tinny guitar playing, then returned to the hallway. Greg dropped his head, and I saw his shoulders begin to shake. I didn’t move to comfort him, just waited until he looked back up at me, and saw that his eyes were filled with – what? Pain? Regret? Fear? Maybe all three.
‘I—’ he started, but his throat was blocked, his voice thick with tears. He coughed and started again. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘What for? What have you done?’ I felt the panic rise in me. What had happened? What could he possibly have done that he was finding so difficult to tell me?
‘I’ve lost it.’
‘It?’
