‘Please Greg, don’t be like this.’
‘Don’t be like what? Don’t be angry or sad that that –fucker– is back? Or don’t feel utterly betrayed that my wife has been seeing him behind my back? That he’s given her anecklacefor fuck’s sake?’ He spat the words out with such venom I flinched as though avoiding bullets.
‘Greg, stop it, please. You know full well it’s not like that, otherwise why would I be telling you about it? God’s sake, I’m even asking yourpermissionto see him.’
I felt his body jerk violently beside me and it took me a moment to realise that he was crying. Greg rarely cried, and I moved my arm from his leg to his shoulder and pulled him towards me and let him sob onto my chest. Finally, when he was done, he looked up at me through red-rimmed, puffy eyes.
‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to get so emotional.’
‘It’s okay. But you do understand that I had to tell you that Adam was back, don’t you? It would have been worse if you’d have bumped into him without warning.’
He nodded sadly. ‘I know. I still want to punch the fucker though.’
‘Don’t.’
‘But I do. What it’s not just about him being back. It—’ He stopped, choked. ‘What was he doing giving you a necklace? And why – why did you keep it?’
As soon as I’d broken the news to Greg about Adam being back, he’d put two and two together, of course. ‘I knew it was him the minute I found that note, but I’d prayed it wasn’t,’ he’d said, tears glistening in his eyes. Now he wanted some sort of explanation as to why another man had given me such an intimate, thoughtful gift – only I didn’t have one. Not one that would ease his fears at least.
‘I don’t know. I didn’t have the heart to throw it away I suppose.’
‘But you wore it.’ It was a statement rather than a question and I nodded, unable to say anything more.
‘Will you let me explain? About Adam I mean.’
He wiped his cheek with a shaky hand. ‘Go on.’
So I told him about Adam’s accident, about his amnesia, and about how he wanted me to help him try to unlock some memories.
‘He’s desperate, Greg. He doesn’t remember a thing about himself.’
‘Probably better that way.’
‘Please try not to let your opinion of him cloud your judgement. Just hear what I’m saying.’
He nodded and I took it as my cue to continue.
‘He’s desperately unhappy, and when I told him what I do for a living, he asked if I could help him. Simple as that.’
It wasn’t the entire truth of course, but there was no point in telling Greg how many times Adam and I had seen each other, or how just being in his company had made me question the entire foundation of our marriage.
‘But you work with dementia patients, not people with amnesia,’ he said, his voice cracking. ‘How can you help him?’
‘I don’t know for certain that I can. But I don’t see how it can hurt to at least try.’
He shook his head. ‘I’ve been dreading this day since our very first kiss.’ He looked at me. ‘You do know that, right? That every single day for the last eighteen years I’ve dreaded that man walking back into your life, and that I’d lose you to him.’ He was shaking and I longed to hold him, comfort him, tell him he was wrong, that Adam meant nothing to me. But I couldn’t.
‘Yes, I do know that,’ I said, as gently as I could. ‘But this isn’t about me and you or anyone else. This is about me doing my job.’
Greg shook his head again. ‘You’re either a fool or you’re lying to me,’ he said sadly. ‘Because we both know that there’s more to this than a purely professional relationship.’ He let out a huge puff of air. ‘But what can I do? If I say I don’t want you to do it you’ll probably do it anyway, and I’ll seem like an utter arsehole.’
‘If you say no, I won’t do it.’
He looked me in the eye again. ‘And yet if I do I’ll come out badly so I guess I have no choice. You’ll just have to do what you’re going to do, and I’ll just have to hope that you love me enough.’
‘I do love you.’
‘I know. But I also know how you felt about him, and I’m not totally convinced those feelings ever disappeared. I guess it explains why you’re not sure about renewing our wedding vows.’ He took a long, shuddery breath and stood up. ‘But you help him if you feel you need to Erin. Just don’t tell me anything about it, and please never, ever talk about him with me. Okay?’
