He looked utterly dejected.
‘Sorry.’
‘It’s not your fault.’ His voice was tired, defeated.
It was almost three o’clock, and I’d left Greg alone for much longer than I’d intended.
‘I’m sorry, but I really do have to go now.’
‘Of course. Sorry I kept you here so long.’ He smiled sadly. ‘But thank you for trying.’
‘We can give it another go, if you like, after Christmas?’
‘I’d like that.’
I gathered my bag and coat and headed towards the bedroom door.
‘Hang on.’
I spun round to find Adam right behind me, so close. He was holding a small, wrapped gift in his hands. ‘I bought you something.’
‘Oh. But —’
‘I’ve been thinking about you more than I should, and although I obviously don’t remember what you like, I saw this and it reminded me of you.’ He shrugged. ‘But don’t open it now.’
‘Wow. Thank you Adam. I haven’t got you anything.’
‘That’s not why I gave it to you. Think of it as a thank you gift, rather than a Christmas present, if you prefer. Thank you for helping me, but also thank you for making my return home less depressing and lonely. I hope – I hope we can see each other a lot more next year. As friends, of course.’
In all the time I’d known Adam, I’d never seen him so hesitant, so unassured. Young Adam had been confident, cocky, so certain of his place in the world. At least on the outside. But this Adam was more cautious, more unsure of himself. It wasn’t clear to me what it meant yet, but I hoped I’d get the chance to work it out.
‘I’d like that. Thank you.’
Then I left, and went home to my husband.
Greg had made mince pies and the house smelt divine.
‘Sorry I’m so late,’ I called, and he appeared in the kitchen doorway, apron on, his face flushed.
‘I thought you’d got lost,’ he said, wiping his hands on a tea towel.
‘Sorry, I lost track of time.’
His eyes flicked down to my empty hands and back up again. ‘Didn’t you find what you went for?’
‘What?’ I realised, too late, that I’d told Greg I was going last-minute Christmas shopping. ‘Oh, yes. I got something for Sam and dropped it off before I came home. And I got this.’ I pulled a bottle out of my bag and grinned.
‘Great. Baileys and mince pies work perfectly.’ He turned and headed back into the kitchen and I swallowed down a pang of guilt. I knew I couldn’t keep Adam’s return from him forever, but I didn’t want to ruin Christmas. I followed Greg and watched him for a moment as he pottered around the kitchen. He’d always enjoyed cooking, but he’d been almost fervent with it recently, as though baking took his mind off the urge to gamble.
‘Thank you,’ I said, wrapping my arms round his waist and squeezing him. He spun round and rested his arms on my shoulders. He paused, a frown creasing his forehead, and inhaled deeply.
‘You smell of fags,’ he said snuffling into my neck. I stiffened.Adam. Greg peered at my face and nausea rose in my throat.
‘I—’
‘Have you started smoking again after all this time?’
‘I—’ I started again, then hung my head. ‘You got me.’ I looked up at him. ‘I just fancied one, that’s all. It’s not going to be a regular thing, I promise.’ He studied me for a moment and I held my breath.
