He searched my face for a moment, the space between his eyes creased. ‘Are you sure? You’re not just drunk?’
I smiled lazily. ‘I’m drunk but I’m also sure.’
He didn’t need asking twice, and we raced up the stairs and fell onto the bed and for the first time in months we came together and forgot all of our problems…
When we’d both brushed our teeth and I’d climbed into my favourite pyjamas and we were lying next to each other in bed, Dog curled up on the end by my feet, I felt Greg shuffle to face me and I turned to look at him. His cheek was squashed into the pillow and he looked content.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, softly.
‘What for?’
‘Everything. Letting you down. Not keeping my promise.’
I could have told him it was okay, that he had nothing to be sorry for, but despite our closeness tonight, I was still hurt by his betrayal. That, combined with my churning feelings, meant I wasn’t finding it easy to reassure him.
‘We will be all right, won’t we?’ he said.
I didn’t answer immediately and I could see myself reflected back in the warmth of his eyes. ‘I hope so,’ I said eventually.
He reached out and pulled me towards him and I let myself tip forward. ‘What do you want me to do, Erin?’
We were so close I couldn’t make out his features. I pulled back to look at him. ‘I don’t know.’
‘I’ll get help.’
‘You’re already having counselling, and that hasn’t worked.’
‘I’ll do anything. Anything to make you forgive me.’ His eyes shone with tears.
‘Will you go to Gamblers Anonymous?’ It was something he’d refused to do until now, adamant he wasn’t addicted, that he could stop whenever he wanted. But recent events had proven that theory wrong.
He studied me for a moment then gave a small tilt of his head. ‘All right. If you think it will help.’
‘I hope it will.’
‘Then I’ll go.’
As I wrapped my arms around him, I swallowed down the guilt I felt knowing I was treating him this way when the truth was, what I was doing was far, far worse.
Because I wasn’t sure I could give up my addiction that easily either.
13
NOW
Pixies: ‘Monkey Gone to Heaven’
The black metal gates towered above me like a warning. There was a bell on the pillar next to them so I climbed out of the car and pressed it firmly, trying to ignore the fact I was shaking with nerves. Seconds later there was a crackling sound and a mechanical voice said, ‘Hello?’
‘It’s me.’ My voice came out in a croak and I coughed. ‘Erin.’
A loud buzzing filled the air and the gates creaked inward. I scurried back to my car, then drove through them and down the driveway. The house was set so far back from the road that the driveway wound a little, and it gave me time to study this house I hadn’t been to for so many years.
Hidden away from the road behind imposing metal gates, the Bower House, as we always called it, had always been shrouded in mystery and all of its accompanying stories. The dark grey brick was worn, the darkened windows overlooking the grounds like sentries, while the lawn behind stretched down to the river, and trees yawned towards the over-reaching sky. The last time I’d been here had been more than nineteen years ago as a young, naïve girl of seventeen who had felt overwhelmed and in awe at being allowed to step inside this house to meet Adam’s parents.
‘They’ll be nice to you but don’t let it fool you,’ Adam had warned me back then. ‘Especially my father. He’s a master at showing his charming side.’
I hadn’t believed him, convinced they were going to be open and friendly despite what Adam had said. But I quickly realised his description of how cold they could be had been pretty accurate.
