I hoped, as her mind and her memories slowly disappeared, one by one like bubbles in the air, that she didn’t regret any of the choices she’d made in her life.
I hoped I wouldn’t either.
11
THEN
The Human League: ‘Don’t You Want Me’
Erin reached up and pressed the doorbell, her heart thumping wildly in her chest. She wiped her palms on her jeans and stood, rigid, staring at the solid wood of the front door.
‘You’re shaking Erin, are you all right?’ Greg said beside her.
‘What? Oh yes, I’m fine.’ She smiled weakly. ‘Sorry, you know I’m really nervous about you meeting Mum and Dad.’
‘You make them sound like ogres,’ Greg said, looking at her quizzically. ‘Do you think they’re going to hate me or something?’
‘God no, they’re going to love you. It’s just – well, I haven’t brought anyone back before. At least not since—’ Erin stopped, not wanting to mention Adam’s name. It hadn’t just been Greg who had taken an instant dislike to Adam. Her dad hadn’t been keen either, and it had made things awkward, meaning they rarely spent any time at her home. Her mum had liked Adam of course, but then she saw the good in everyone.
Erin was saved from explaining any more by the front door swinging open, and she turned to find her mum smiling widely, her dad hovering behind like a shadow.
‘Hello love,’ Penny said, throwing her arms wide and pulling Erin into a hug. As she released her daughter she looked at Greg, a smile lighting up her face. ‘And you must be Greg,’ she said, pulling him into a hug too. ‘It’s really lovely to meet you; Erin’s told me so much about you.’
‘Good to meet you Mrs Pearson,’ Greg said, looking flustered. He held out a bunch of flowers he’d bought at the station as they’d got on the train.
‘Oh thank you,’ Penny said, taking the flowers and pressing her nose against the petals. ‘And please don’t call me Mrs Pearson, that makes me feel ancient. I’m Penny.’ She turned then to introduce her husband. ‘And this is Michael, Erin’s father.’
Her dad stepped forward out of the shadows and held his hand out to Greg, who shook it stiffly. ‘Very nice to meet you, young man,’ he said.
‘Oh Dad, you don’t need to stand to attention,’ Erin said, reaching up and ruffling his hair the way she always did. She was desperate for her dad to approve of Greg and, although she couldn’t see any reason why he wouldn’t like him – after all, Greg was polite and kind and, most importantly, he wasn’t travelling round the country playing in a band instead of looking after his girlfriend – she knew what her dad could be like sometimes. What most dads could be like when it came to their kids.
‘Come on in,’ her mum said, moving into the house, her long dress wafting around her legs like a sprite, her feet bare on the cool ceramic tiles. Erin followed them, Greg just behind her, and as she made her way along the familiar hallway, she tried to see her childhood home through Greg’s eyes. She wondered what he’d make of the old-fashioned furnishings, the tall ceilings, the huge ornate framed paintings, and the rundown kitchen that nobody had ever had the heart to renovate because it was so in keeping with the old rectory that they’d bought as their home all those years ago.
‘Right, who wants a glass of wine?’ Penny said, spinning round to face them.
‘Please Mum,’ Erin said.
‘That would be lovely Mrs – Penny,’ Greg replied, smiling.
As her mum fussed around pouring drinks, Erin watched her parents closely. Her father was doing a great job of hiding his feelings, but she thought she could see the beginnings of a thaw from him already, now he’d met Greg. But it was her mum she watched most closely, trying to see whether she could see any signs of the dementia that doctors insisted she had. As she studied her, pouring drinks, chatting away happily, smiling the way she always had, Erin couldn’t help wondering whether they might have made a mistake. After all, surely dementia meant she’d be getting worse, not better? Erin made a mental note to ask her father about it later.
The rest of the day passed without incident. In the end, Greg and her dad hit it off like a house on fire, finding common ground in a few things including their mutual love of all sports, and a similar taste in music. At one point Dad even jumped up to put a record on, insisting that Greg must like ‘Don’t You Want Me’ by The Human League as it was a classic of its time. Greg agreed, of course, that the synthesizer and the techno beat were both way ahead of their time, that the opening line about the waitress in the cocktail bar was one of the best opening lines to a song there had ever been, and that the entire thing was completely underrated. Erin and Penny rolled their eyes at each other indulgently.
Her dad didn’t even seem to be fazed by Greg’s wilder side, the stories he told him of spontaneous naked swims in the river, or of the huge amounts of money he’d lost at the greyhound racing when he was seventeen. Erin watched them happily as they chatted easily, and she felt so proud of this funny, kind, handsome man who had made her life so much better since he’d become part of it. She couldn’t help comparing this meeting to the first time Adam had met her parents. It had been one sunny Saturday a few weeks after they’d met, and Erin had invited Adam back for a barbecue at her parents’ house. She’d been nervous then, too – and rightly so as it turned out, at least as far as her father was concerned.
Adam had tried his best. He’d scrubbed up well, tied his hair back neatly, worn his best pair of jeans, and spoken politely. And it had started so well. But she could remember clearly the moment it had begun to go wrong, that the respectable veneer Adam had so far managed to maintain had begun to slip, and that her father had begun to dislike him. They had been standing in the garden, waiting for the sausages to cook, when Michael had asked Adam what he was going to do when he left school.
‘I’m off to tour with my band,’ Adam had replied.
Erin had watched, mortified, as her father’s face had pinched itself into a mask of disapproval, and she waited anxiously for his response.
‘But what about after that? I mean, what about a career?’
‘Music is my career. At least it will be,’ Adam had insisted.
‘I see.’ Dad had been reluctant to engage with Adam much after that, making it perfectly clear that he didn’t think he was good enough for Erin, until they had all felt so uncomfortable that they’d left early, slinking off as soon as they’d eaten.
The trouble was, Erin understood her father’s reaction. It wasn’t as though her dad was particularly highly strung, or that he was being unreasonable. She could see that now, even more clearly in hindsight. What father would want their daughter to be caught up in the sort of lifestyle associated with a rock band: the groupies, the alcohol, drugs and everything else? Of course he was never going to think Adam was the perfect man for her.
