Instead, he needed to know, so he kissed him on the temple.
“Are you sick?” he asked.
Graham shrugged.
“I don’t know. I’m afraid to go find out. I promised Gryphen I would, and Tony, too, but I’m a coward. I probably am because every time something good happens in my life, it crashes.”
Yeah, like when he’d been loved and cherished by this man, until it fell apart.
Michael was honest.
“I’m on HIV antivirals.”
Graham looked over at him, and then sat up. His heart was racing.
And Michael expected the worst.
“Oh, God. Are you sick? How can I help you? What can I do for you?” he asked, no longer thinking about himself, but thinking about the man beside him.
Yeah, that wasn’t what Michael had expected. In fact, it gave him a warm, fuzzy feeling that Graham was worried abouthim. When he’d told Riley he had to take the anti-virals, he’d made him get tested so he could see the paper to make sure.
As if he’d lie about something like that.
That should have been his first clue that the SS Cuckoo was a bad ship to be on.
“No, I’m not sick, Graham. Christopher Leonard has HIV. We all take it because if he gets hurt, or bleeds, we’re in danger if his levels aren’t in control. I’m clean. I was tested a few months ago.”
Graham wished he was.
He felt anything but clean. In fact, most of the time he felt incredibly dirty and unworthy.
Like now.
He gave the man the option, since he’d been the one who made the mess of his life.
“If you don’t want to be near me…”
Michael stopped him.
“It’s okay, M'eudail,” he said, catching him off guard by using Scottish. “I want to be near you. We both did things we shouldn’t have, and because of that, we’re not punishing each other for that.”
He still sat there, saying nothing.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked. “If you do, I’m willing to listen,” Michael offered.
Graham didn’t know what there was to talk about.
Honestly, he was embarrassed by what he’d done the last few months.
“I was barely holding on,” he admitted, knowing D’Artangnan would listen like he said. “I wanted to hurt myself.”
Oh, well, he saw that last night.
And it was scary.
That was theONLYreason he was hesitant now because of what they started.
Michael didn’t know if he’d be enough to keep the man here. The last thing he wanted was to find him dead and to be alone again.
