"I know. I'm doing everything I can?—"
"Are you?" Ronan moves toward me, and I see something dangerous in his eyes. "Because I've been thinking, Elio. About the possibility that you’re not being up front with me about all of this.”
My pulse kicks up. "What do you mean?"
“I mean that Annie disappeared, and for some reason the next morning you were several hours outside of Boston. It took you what… three, four hours to get here? And now you’re following wild goose chases around the city. Telling me to be patient while you come back again and again with no real news.”
“I’m doing my best,” I say, trying to keep my voice calm. “I want to find her too, Ronan. It’s a big city. And she vanished without anyone knowing where she was going?—”
Ronan’s jaw tightens. “You’ve been quick to steer this investigation from the beginning, Elio. You're the one who suggested that gang might be involved. You're the one who's been coordinating the search efforts. You're the one who?—"
"Who what?" I meet his eyes, even though it’s difficult to seem as if there’s no struggle in doing so. "What are you accusing me of, Ronan?"
"I'm not accusing you of anything." But his tone says otherwise. "I'm just wondering why the man who used to be like my brother, the man I’ve given everything, seems to think he can find Annie for me but isn’t turning up a goddamn thing.”
This is it. This is where I either come clean or commit fully to the lie. And the truth is, I can't tell him. Not yet. Not until Desmond is dead and Annie is safe. Not until she and I have our story straight, the marriage is ended, and she can come home.
"I don't know where Annie is," I say, the lie burning my tongue. "I wish I did. I wish I could bring her home to you. But I don't have any more information than you do."
Ronan stares at me for a long moment, and I can see him trying to decide whether to believe me. Then he turns away, running a hand through his hair.
"I'm going crazy, Elio. My sister is out there somewhere, and I can't find her. I can't protect her. I failed Siobhan, and now I'm failing Annie too."
The pain in his voice cuts through me. "You didn't fail Siobhan."Fuck. All of this, and he’s going there anyway.Maybe Annie is right. Maybe it would be so much worse if he knew it was Desmond. But right now, it feels like I should just tell him. Like, I should put an end to this.
But I’d be betraying Annie if I did.
I thought I knew how painful love could be, back when I was young and stupid. I had no fucking idea.
"Didn't I?" He laughs bitterly. "I was so caught up in how much we hated each other that I ignored her. I let her carve out her own destruction because I was just happy to get some fucking peace. And then she and my child died. I failed her. I failed our child. And now I’m failing Annie?—”
"Annie is not Siobhan." I move toward him, needing him to hear this. To listen to this one thing, at least. "And you're not failing her. She's smart, and she's strong, and wherever she is, she's surviving."
"How do you know?" Ronan looks at me, that suspicion in his eyes again, and guilt knifes through me.
Because I'm with her every night. Because I held her while she cried. Because I made love to her last night and felt her come alive in my arms.
"Because she's your sister," I say instead. "She’s an O’Malley. She has your strength. Your resilience. She's going to be okay."
Ronan wants to believe me. I can see it in his face. But there's still doubt there, still suspicion. I'm running out of time. Either I need to produce Annie soon, or I need to come clean about what's been happening.
I need to fucking find Desmond.
"Keep looking," Ronan says finally. "And Elio? If you're hiding something from me, if you know something you're not telling me—now would be the time to say so."
It's an opening. A chance to tell the truth, to ask for his understanding, to explain why I did what I did.
But I think about Annie's face when she begged me not to tell Ronan. I think about the promise I made to keep her secret. I think about how much worse it would be now that we know for sure that Desmond’s revenge is tied to Siobhan’s death, to what Ronan views as his greatest failure.
I think about how she’d never speak to me again if I betrayed her trust. About how it would shatter the little time I have left with her.
"I'm not hiding anything," I lie.
Ronan nods slowly, but I can tell he doesn't entirely believe me. "Then get back out there. Find my sister. Bring her home."
I leave his office feeling like I've just signed my own death warrant. Ronan suspects something. It's only a matter of time before he figures out the truth. And when he does?—
I don't let myself finish that thought.
