That Desmond has pushed me to this.
It makes me want him dead even more.
"You should tell him the truth," Elio says, opening his eyes. "You should go to your brother, tell him what happened, let him help you. This doesn't have to be on you alone."
"But it does." My voice cracks. "Because I'm the one who can spare him this pain. I'm the one who can keep him from blaming himself for my attack the way he did for Siobhan’s death. From making him believe all the shitty things our father said to him about it when he finally has all of that out of his system. That's worth lying for. That's worth keeping secrets for."
"Even if it destroys your relationship with him when he eventually finds out?" Elio shakes his head.
"He won't find out. Not if we're careful." I reach out and take Elio's hand. "Please. I wouldn't ask if I had any other choice. But I can't do this without you."
Elio looks down at our joined hands, and I see the moment he breaks. The moment he decides that protecting me, helping me, even in this impossible situation, matters more than his loyalty to Ronan.
ThatImatter more.
"Fuck," he mutters. "This is going to blow up in our faces."
"Does that mean you'll help me?" I bite my lip, twisting it between my teeth, and I feel his fingers brush against the side of my hand before he lets it go.
"You know I will." He looks up, and the intensity in his dark eyes makes my breath catch. "You're my weak point, Annie. You always have been. I can't tell you no even when I should. I did once, and…”
He lets out a heavy breath. I want him to finish that sentence. To tell me what came after him denying me what we both wanted so badly all those years ago. But more than that, I feel so powerfully relieved that he’s given in that my knees go weak. "Thank you. Thank you so much?—"
"Don't thank me yet." He takes a step back, refocusing as he runs a hand through his hair. "We need to plan this carefully. Desmond isn't stupid. After the meeting today, he will have gone to ground, and he won't surface unless we give him a reason to. I need to think about this. Plan it properly. We're only going to get one shot—if Desmond realizes we’re after him and we lose him, there’s a good chance he'll disappear and we'll never find him."
"How long will you need?"
"A couple of days. We need to do this quickly." He looks at me. "In the meantime, you stay here. You don't leave the safe house, you don't contact anyone. My men will get you anything you need. If you give me a list, I’ll have them go shopping for you. I can’t risk anyone seeing me or my men at your house, or I’d get you some of your own things from there."
I nod. “Okay. I’ll stay put. I won’t do anything.”
"I mean it, Annie. If you accidentally tip him off that we're planning something?—”
"I won't," I repeat firmly. "I trust you to handle this." I laugh, a little bitterly. “I can’t contact anyone, anyway. My phone is gone. I’m entirely reliant on you now.”
Something flickers in his eyes at those words, something that looks almost like pain. But before I can try to figure out what he’s thinking, he's turning away and pulling out his phone.
"I need to check in with Ronan," he says. "He's been texting me since I got here, asking for updates on the search for you."
Guilt twists in my stomach. "How is he?"
"How do you think?" Elio's tone isn't unkind, but it's pointed. "His sister is missing, and he has no idea where she is or if she's safe. He probably hasn’t eaten all day, and he’s probably not going to sleep tonight. He's tearing the city apart looking for you."
The guilt intensifies, burning in my gut. "I hate doing this to him."
"Then tell him the truth."
"I can't." I wrap my arms around myself. "Not about this. It would break him, Elio."
"And lying to him won't?" But Elio doesn't push further. He dials Ronan's number and steps out onto the back porch, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Through the window, I watch him pace as he talks, his body language tense. I can't hear what he's saying, but I can imagine. More lies. More promises to keep searching. More betrayal of a man who trusts him completely.
All for me.
I can feel the weight of that on my shoulders. And I wonder if it might get so heavy that it could crush us both.
—
