“Elio.” I breathe his name, my heart still pounding. “You scared me.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” His voice is tight, almost strangled. A rush of memory prickles over my skin—I remember that sound, all the ways I could be responsible for it. His shoulders are tense, as if he’s trying as hard as I am to stay where he is, to not close the distance between us.
He drags in a ragged breath, and I swallow hard, forcing myself to calm down. To be the voice of reason here, in this dark hallway, where we could do so many things and no one would ever know.
“What are you doing here, Elio?” My voice sounds so much calmer than I thought it could. Do you need something?”
“I—” He pauses, as if he’s trying to think of some excuse. Some reason why he followed me here. “I wanted to make sure you were alright.”
How could I be?I press my lips together, dropping my hand away from the wall as I turn to face him. “I’m fine. I just needed a little quiet for a minute. Needed to clear my head before going back into the party.”
“I thought as much.” He takes a step closer to me, and I know I should retreat. Should keep him from closing any amount of distance between us. But I feel rooted to the spot, unable to move. “I remember that you don’t like crowds. Or parties. Or small talk with people you don’t know.”
My throat tightens.I don’t need to know that.I don’twantto know that Elio remembers those things about me. That he still cares that much. That he thinks about me at all.
“That was when we were kids.” My voice quivers, and I swallow, trying to keep my control. To not let him shatter me to pieces the way I know he can.
“Has anything changed?” He meets my eyes, and I know he’s not just talking about my patience for crowds and small talk. He’s talking aboutthis. About us.
About something that can’t ever exist again.
I press my lips together, hard. “We shouldn’t be talking about this.”
“I know.” A flash of deep, aching sadness fills his eyes, and my chest cramps at the sight of it. I want to go to him, and I can’t. I shouldn’t. “But we can’t go forever without talking about it, can we? Now that I’m back, and you’re?—”
“What am I?” I can feel myself tense, a blessed anger starting to replace the hurt, the want.Good. Anger is better. Anger will keep me safe.“What, Elio? What do you want to say?”
He takes another step toward me. I can smell his cologne now, the waft of it filling my senses, warming me from the inside out.Don’t. Stop.I can’t speak, can’t move, even though I know I should do both.
“I thought you’d be married by now. I thought you’d belong to someone else.”
I scoff at that. I can’t help myself. The sound is bitter even to my ears, the thought of mybelongingto anyone grating against my nerves.
Anyone other than him.
“And that would have made it easier? To come home?”
“I thought it would.” Elio swallows, his expression pained. “If there was no going back. But you’re not married. You’re not even with someone. Or at least, I didn’t think you were. But seeing you with Desmond the other night?—"
“That was none of your business.” I glare at him, feeling the anger build. “I’mnone of your business, Elio.”
"I saw him kiss you. I saw you let him." His voice is rough. "And it nearly killed me."
"Elio, we can't?—"
“Can’t what?” His hands curl into fists at his sides, and I can feel the tension building, feel this turning into an argument that’s been waiting to explode for eleven years. “Can’t admit that nothing has changed? That what there was between us eleven years ago is still here?”
“Youleft.” I can hear the pain in my voice as it slices through the air between us. “You had a choice, and you left, Elio. You made your decision.”
“That wasn’t a choice!” His voice rises, and I give him a warning look, my heart racing as I wonder if anyone heard us. His tone lowers. “There was no choice for me, Annie. You know that. I didn’t want to leave.”
“But you did. And there’s no choice now, either, is there? It doesn't matter what's between us. You know it doesn't. Ronan would never—" I shake my head abruptly, suddenly wanting this conversation to be over. “I got over you, Elio. Don’t do this to me.”
He takes another step closer. So close now that I can feel the heat radiating off of his body, feel how tense he is. I could reach out and touch him, and it’s so fucking hard not to. Not to give in to everything I’ve wanted all my life.
“Did you?” His voice is soft, almost a whisper, “Did you really, Annie?”
I look at him, my heart aching.Of course not, I want to say.How could you ever think I would?
