"I know. But I want to."
He kisses the top of my head, and we fall into comfortable silence. Outside, the snow has started to fall again. Inside, the tree glows and the fire crackles and I feel something I haven't felt in longer than I can remember.
Safe.
"Chase?" I say into the quiet stillness of the room.
"Yeah?"
"I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad I didn't…" I stop, the words catching in my throat. "I'm glad you saved me."
His arms tighten around me. He drops a kiss to the top of my head. "Me too. Every single day, me too."
We sit there, watching the lights on the tree twinkle, and I let myself imagine a future. One where I finish my book. Where Chase and I figure out what this thing between us is. Where I stop running from my past and start building a damn future that I can be proud of.
It's terrifying and everything I want all at once.
But as Chase holds me close and the snow falls outside, I think maybe, just maybe, I'm ready for it. Ready to stop just surviving and start actually living.
Ready to take the chance that I'm worth something more than what Stanley told me I was.
Ready to believe that feelings and love can actually be real.
Eighteen
Chase
My phone buzzes on the kitchen counter as I'm pouring coffee. Paisley's still asleep, curled up under the blankets in my bed where I left her this morning. We had a late night after decorating the tree. We'd ended up eating sandwiches at midnight, and then crawled into bed. I glance at the screen. Eli.
"Yeah?" I answer, keeping my voice low.
"Chase. Need you to ride out to the Henderson place. Got a call about possible cattle rustling last week. We've gotten behind," he sighs heavily and says something to another person around him before he turns his mouth back to the phone. "Last storm was a doozy as you know, and now it's been snowing off and on again."
I pinch the bridge of my nose. The Henderson Ranch isn't very far from here, and it won't take long, but I'm nervous. "How many head?"
"Frank says about fifteen. Could be nothing, but with this storm, who knows what's happening out there."
"Yeah, might even be that they got lost in the storm, but we won't know until I go check it out. I'll head out now."
When I end the call, I stand there for a minute, staring at the bedroom door. This'll be the first time I've left Paisley alone since I pulled her out of that field. Since I kept her from pulling that trigger. My gut twists at the thought, but I can't ignore a call about rustling. That's my job, what I do when I'm not holed up here pretending the world doesn't exist. It's how I pay the bills, and what used to give me all the purpose I needed.
It doesn't escape me that she's now become that purpose.
I make my way to the bedroom, easing the door open. She's on her side, one hand tucked under her cheek, her dark hair spread across the pillow. Biscuit is curled up at her feet, and when I step in, the cat opens one eye to glare at me for disturbing them.
"Paisley," I whisper, sitting on the edge of the bed.
Her eyes flutter open, and when she focuses, a sleepy smile crosses her face. "Morning."
"Hey." I brush her hair back from her face. "I gotta head out for a bit. Got a call about some missing cattle at a ranch a few miles from here."
The smile fades, replaced by what looks like barely concealed fear. "How long will you be gone?"
"Couple hours, probably. I'll ride Blackjack out there, take a look around, file a report. If someone needs to be arrested, that's going to be on Eli, because I can't transport. I'm basically taking the report and looking around. There's another storm coming if the weather report is right, so I don't want to be out there any longer than I need to be."
She sits up, pulling the blankets with her. "Okay."
"You gonna be alright here by yourself?" I ask what we're both thinking.
