But she doesn't read. Instead, she settles on the other end of the couch with her phone, and I try to focus on entering data about calves and birth weights and maternal lineages. It's mindless work, and I usually enjoy it. It lets me turn my brain off and I can just knock out a full day without thinking about how alone I am out here. But today, I'm hyper-aware of every movement Paisley makes.
She shifts, tucking her feet under her. I glance over, catching sight of the curve of her neck as she bends over her phone.
I type in another record, but I'm not really seeing the numbers. I'm thinking about the way she smiled this morning when I confessed about what I did last night. The way she said it was hot.
I look up and find her watching me. She quickly looks back at her phone, but not before I see the flush creeping up her cheeks.
When I can't handle the silence between us any more, I clear my throat. "Wanna turn Blue Bloods on in the background?"
"Sounds good, that ticking clock is about to annoy the shit outta me." She points to the clock on the wall.
I get back to work, and she keeps scrolling, but it's all mindless. I keep stealing glances at her, and every time I do, I catch her doing the same thing. It's like we're teenagers, unable to stop looking at each other but too nervous to do anything about it. Fuck, when I was a teenager I was less nervous, truth be told.
"This is fuckin' ridiculous," I finally say, setting my laptop aside, with a loud noise.
"What is?"
"This." I gesture between us. "We're both sitting here pretending to watch TV when the only damn thing I can think about is kissing you again."
Her breath catches, and her face flushes, before she pulls her bottom lip in between her teeth. "Oh."
"Yeah, oh. So I'm going to kiss you now. If that's okay." I rub my palms along my denim-covered jeans as I wait for her to answer with a pounding heart.
"That's very okay," she whispers.
I lean in slowly, giving her time to change her mind, but she meets me halfway. This kiss is different from the ones yesterday. We dive all in, her mouth opens for me. I cup her face with both hands and take my time, exploring the taste of her, the softness of her lips.
She makes a small sound in the back of her throat, and it sends heat through my body. Her fingers come up to grip my shirt, pulling me closer, and I go willingly. I want to be closer, want to eliminate every inch of space between us.
But some rational part of my brain reminds me to slow down. We have plenty of time out here. There's no rush.
I pull back, resting my forehead against hers as we both catch our breath. Rolling my head against hers, I groan, mad at myself for putting a fucking stop to this. But I also know that I don't want to rush into anything that might make things awkward between us. "We should take this slow," I say, even though every part of me is screaming to do the opposite.
"Okay." Her fingers are still twisted in my shirt. "How slow?"
"I don't know. Slow enough that we're both comfortable. I don't want to do this because we're out here with no one else around, just because we're convenient for each other."
She nods, then pulls back enough to look at me. There's heat in her eyes, but understanding too. "I can do slow. But Chase?"
"Yeah?"
"I want you to know that I'm more than willing to have fun with you until we figure out what we're comfortable with." Her cheeks are red, but she doesn't look away. "I'm not made of glass. And I'm attracted to you. Really attracted to you. What happened to me before that field? I'm not ready to talk about it, but I need to feel like I'm a woman again, want to feel like a woman again."
"Paisley—"
"I'm just saying, we can take things slow and still... explore. If you want to."
Do I want to? God, yes. Every cell in my body is screaming yes. But I also know we need to be careful. She's been through something obviously traumatic that brought her out to that field. And I'm still learning how to feel again, how to let someone in.
"I want to," I tell her honestly. "But I also want to do this right. Whatever all of this is."
She smiles, although there's heat behind it. "Then we'll figure it out together. One day at a time."
"One day at a time," I agree.
She settles back against the couch, and I pull her into my side. She fits perfectly there, her head on my shoulder, my arm around her waist. We go back to her pretending to watch TV, and me continuing to work, but now there's no awkwardness. We're just content and looking forward to whatever is to come.
Outside, I can hear the wind starting to pick up. The storm Eli warned us about is coming. But in here, with Paisley, I'm not worried. I'm actually excited. We have no place to go, and all the time to be together.
