"I don't want to make the decision for you." She closes her eyes, and a tear trickles down her cheek. There must be a lot more going on here than her having trouble with answering the question. "Explain it to me. What are you having a hard time with?"
She turns from me, and I hate it. The fact I can't see her green gaze any longer. Until this moment I hadn't realized how much I enjoyed seeing all those emotions play across her face. "The situation I was in, before I drove into that pasture, was one where I stayed. And I stayed because there was no communication. I wasn't aware he wanted me to go, that he didn't want me around any longer. It turned a love into hate, and resentment."
The tightness in my chest is loosening, and the churning is slowing down. I reach out for her, wrapping my arms around her waist. We've gotten more comfortable with one another, and we spend more time than we probably should on the couch together, watching TV. I've found myself reaching out to touch her, even when I shouldn't, but I've pulled that touch back. Now, I'm letting it out there. She relaxes against my chest, and I bend so that my mouth is next to her ear. "Okay, you want communication? I enjoy having you here. I didn't realize how lonely I was out here by myself. When I wake up and you're around, it makes my day better. But I want you to know something. If that was only for a short amount of time, it's okay. If you want it to be longer, then I want that, too. More than anything though, you have to tell me what you want. Communication is a two-way street."
Her body fits snugly against mine in ways I've tried not to think about the longer we've been out here together, but for just a moment, I allow myself to melt into her. Tucking her into me and protecting her from the world outside of the bubble we've been in. "I want to stay,'" she whispers. "Life looks very different back in town, and I'm not ready for it."
I close my eyes, thankful that she's not going anywhere. "Then there are a few things we're going to have to figure out. Questions I'm going to have to ask."
"Ask away."
Gone is the man who cares about the woman in his arms, and in it's place is the first responder who has to make sure all his bases are covered. "Are there any medications you're going to need for the time we're out here? Do you take a daily medicine? What about your bills? Do you have a job? Is there anything I can do to help you with that?"
She turns around, eyes wide. "That wasn't what I was thinking you were going to ask me."
"It's all important things you have to account for when you can't leave." I shrug. All things I wish someone had talked to me about before I started living out here full time.
"I take an anti-depressant. Other than that, I'm pretty healthy."
"Okay, write that down, and I'll make sure that the person coming to give me our supplies gets you enough for six months. There are doctors who work with the service to make sure we're taken care of when we're on assignment."
She steps forward, out of my arms and turns around. "As far as bills. The only thing I really have is my apartment. I quit my job the day I drove out to the pasture, and I didn't think twice about where I was going to live, or my cell phone. Probably should've, huh? I bet I'm about to be evicted, and my cell phone shut off." Her hand flies to her mouth to cover it. "Do you think they'll be willing to work with me? Especially since I thought I'd be dead by now?"
"Let me take care of it," I tell her, my mind already working through what all of this means. Since my wife, I haven't wanted to be responsible for any other person, and that includes myself. For longer than I should have, I've lived as if life had an expiration date, and that date was coming up fast. Now, now that she's here and wants to stay, I'm going to make that as easy for her as possible. "Write down your carrier and your number."
"I shouldn't let you." She shakes her head. "These are all my problems."
"Which you were in because you needed help, and it looks like the person who should've been your shoulder to cry on and the person to help you, didn't. Let me do this for you."
"Why?" She questions, stepping closer. "Because you couldn't do it for her?"
The words stab my chest like a knife, but it's fair to want to know. "Because I can do it for you."
Disbelief and suspicion are written across her face. I get it, we haven't known each other for very long, but I want her to trust me. Need for her to trust me. "Okay, but please don't make me regret this."
With my thumb, I tilt her chin so that I can look into her eyes. "I'll do my best every single day to give you the life you've been looking for. We'll give this until the end of the winter? Then you make another decision?"
"Yeah," she affirms, closing her eyes.
I lean forward and tentatively kiss her on the cheek. It's simple and fast, but it sends my heart racing. It's the most I've touched a woman in six years. "Any particular food you might want while you're out here?"
She grins. "I'll add it to the list I'll give you with my phone number, and prescription."
"Good," I grin back at her. "I'll get the info over to my contact who meets me. You wanna come?"
"Will we have to ride horseback?" She wrinkles her nose. "I like Blackjack, but I'm not used to riding, and I'd be sore."
"No, I take a side-by-side with a trailer attached."
Her eyes are bright again, instead of the way she closed off when I started asking questions. "Then I'd love to."
She turns back to the stove to finish the eggs, and I walk over to where I've had my phone charging. Pulling up my texts, I let my contact know there's been a few changes.
Me: Hey Eli, I'm gonna need a few more things. I have company at the cabin.
Eli: Company? Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?
Me: Not right now, just know I'll have company with me today to pick all this shit up. It's a women with me, check with your wife to see what she might need monthly. And while you're at it, think you can grab enough condoms for a few months?
