I'm just here, in this moment, and that's everything I've ever wanted.ctoAs the first episode ends and rolls into the second, I steal a glance at Chase. His eyes are on the screen, but there's a relaxed set to his shoulders that wasn't there before. He looks content, at peace, and I wonder if maybe he's been lonely out here. If maybe having someone else around is just as good for him as it is for me.
"You all right?" he asks, catching me looking.
"Yeah," I say softly. "I really am."
He holds my gaze for a moment, an unreadable emotion flashing across his face, before he nods and turns back to the TV. But his hand moves slightly closer to mine on the couch, close enough that if I wanted to, I could reach out and close the distance.
I don't. Not yet. But knowing I could is enough for now.
The afternoon goes on, filled with nothing but the sound of the TV, the crackling fire, and the storm outside. And for the first time in a very long time, I'm not afraid of what comes next.
Eight
Chase
November
When I wake up a week later and grab my phone, I'm surprised to see that the calendar has flipped over to November. Out here time is a construct. You learn to measure the days by the passing of seasons, but the snow storm we had was an early one. The temperature hasn't really rebounded, and I heard from one of my contacts at the local field office that they officially won't be fixing the bridge until the spring thaw.
Today though, it's supposed to be a little warmer than it has been. I'm meeting a friend who brings out groceries for me once a month, and as much as I don't want to, I'm going to ask Paisley if she wants to go back to town.
This might very well be her last chance before winter and snow settle in, but I think it's important to give it to her. Already there are things about her that have changed from the day I stopped her from putting that gun to her head. The dark circles under her eyes are gone, she seems to sleep well at night, and I catch her smiling a lot now. Her and Biscuit have become great friends, and if I'm honest with myself, she's making a difference in me too. When you're out here by yourself, you don't realize just how lonely you are.
Getting up, I do my stretches, and a round of push ups, along with sit ups. Once it gets cold, it's hard to get in a workout. Smelling the aroma of brewing coffee is different too. Having someone else make coffee, or start breakfast, it's nice. I'm trying hard not to get used to it, because she might choose to leave.
When I'm done with my workout, I step into the shower, and wash off quickly, before dressing comfortably and going to the living room.
"Morning," I greet her, as I turn the corner, seeing her standing in the kitchen.
It's scary how well she fits in. Once she learned where everything was, and what I like to eat, she stepped in like she's lived here for years with me.
"Morning," she grins, and today I notice a little dimple in her cheek. "I woke up hungry after helping you shovel the walkway to the barn last night."
Her eyes are shining and there's color back in her face. She'd been missing all of that when I brought her here that first day. "Yeah, physical labor will do that to you. I'm hungry too." I realize just how much when my stomach growls loudly.
"It's almost done, I just didn't know how many eggs you'd want."
One thing I've learned? She's attentive, and notices everything. "Two's enough, I gotta be out of here in an hour for a supply meetup."
I almost expect her to ask me what that means, but she keeps her eyes on the cast iron skillet, breaking my eggs, and frying them up. Going over to the coffee pot, I pour a cup, and then take a long drink.
"It's criminal how you take that," she laughs. "Don't you want a little sugar?"
"Nope, I like it just the way it is." It's on the tip of my tongue to say I like her the same way, but I don't want to influence her decision when I tell her what I'm doing. "I gotta talk to you."
She turns, her eyes immediately traveling to mine. "You sound serious."
"I am, and I want you to be completely honest with me."
The tension in the room is thick as she steps back slightly. We're no longer in each others personal space, and while I'd like to be closer to her than I am right now, I respect her decision. "Okay, I'm listening."
My eyes search her light ones, looking for the familiarity I've found in them before, but it's not there. She's scared, and I hope she doesn't think I'm going to tell her she needs to leave. I'll never know until I talk to her though, so I need to get over the churning in my gut and just say it. "I'm going to get supplies, it's something I do every six to eight weeks. There will be an option for you to get out of here , if it's what you want. I won't be able to get your car out of the pasture, but you can go back to civilization. It's totally your decision, and completely up to you."
Her chin drops to her chest, and she seems to be carefully weighing the words I've said. "What do you want?" She asks, still looking at the ground.
A growl rips its way from my chest, reaching forward, I tip her chin up so that our eyes meet. "This isn't about what I want, Paisley. This is about you and what the future looks like for you. If you want to stay here, then please do."
"Do you want me to?" She asks again, her lower lip quivering.
